Category Archives: WickedWednesday

SwirlingFire: The Assessment

Reading Time: 4 minutes The Assessment & Swirling Twirls I need more therapy. There. I said it. Cue eye rolling and yawns for those that think I should’ve been locked up in a facility with my mouth taped shut a long time ago.  It’s easier to know one needs counselling than to actively search for someone qualified without agenda to talk to about… Read More »

SwirlingFire: #365Words for #365Days

Reading Time: 3 minutes I hoped I’d feel so much better to have a goal and exceed it. I don’t feel its much of an achievement. I hurt as much today as I did 365 days ago. The only difference? 99% of it was not about me 1% – Me, believing the lies. I was brainwashed by an expert that practices d/s.… Read More »

SwirlingFire: The Core

Reading Time: 2 minutes The Core One step forward Feeling brave Finding A voice They think she’s a fool Learning starting The knave raising defences boundaries to make People around her Notice sigh “Fake” Eye rolls The mocking Waiting for signs Told you She’ll turn Static and flywheel No middle gears Hurting lonely No one around The heart breaking So quiet Barely… Read More »

SwirlingFire: The “Why?” Of blogging

Reading Time: 4 minutes The “Why?” Of blogging I’m forever trying to figure out what I’ve done in this life to attract abusive, malevolent, intrusive, selfish, violent – verbal, physical and bullying – behaviour from two faced judgemental “perfect” people. It still continues, without direct contact – unprovoked. There will be more exploratory blogs of processing that will be written before I… Read More »

SwirlingFire: The Hero Is The Villian

Reading Time: 4 minutes The Hero Is The Villain My mind is awash with swirling thoughts crashing into each other and not having anywhere to safely stow them whilst I’m processing the dozen other thoughts that were already crashing together inside my head. Sensory overload is a documented state.  Only once my thoughts have calmed down to a gentler slower movement am I… Read More »

SwirlingFire: The Path To Enlightenment

Reading Time: 7 minutes Content Notice:  “As with all my pieces, I write from personal experience not make believe fantasy.  Please exercise care.  No detailed trauma.  References to ‘scat play’ and clinical PTSD lists”   The Path To Enlightenment Triggers can be both positive and negative. I know this may sound counter-intuitive, but bear with me. To understand what a TRUE trigger… Read More »

The Symmetry Of Closure

Reading Time: 4 minutes Life sometimes offers us an opportunity to revisit an event of the past and have the pleasure of completing it in a way that was not possible in that past.  To put right some ills or disappointments.

SwirlingFire: Betrayal

Reading Time: 2 minutes Betrayal A weird feeling in the pit of my stomach It’s not anxiety It’s different It feels like it’s attached Deep inside my core. I thought at first I needed more water to drink, The trembling of dehydration in soaring temperatures That moment before The room goes silent You feel as though you’re about to vomit A hot… Read More »

Just When It Was All Tickety-Boo

Reading Time: 2 minutes Betrayal !  It’s an ugly word. For me betrayal apparently happens over small things, it’s not the big thing that others describe replete with the frenzy of Armageddon.  In fact I think the worst betrayal I experienced was because she didn’t know she’d done it, despite it being implemented months before it was activated.

SwirlingFire: Survive: Parts 1 & 2

Reading Time: 4 minutes Survive How to survive:- Wake up every morning but you wish you hadn’t Make a morning coffee and sit quietly contemplating what horrors will be reactivated inside ones mind Start the process of slipping back into auto pilot to care for #Mothership Navigate around the home without falling apart into a tearful sobbing mess so Mum wont hear… Read More »

SwirlingFire: Laughter, Tears, Twisted Thoughts and Fears

Reading Time: 3 minutes Laughter, Tears, Twisted Thoughts and Fears Current status: sat in coffee shop reviewing Wicked Wednesday entries for prompt 365 -Laughter Laughing and giggling with an almost four year old and his little brother Charlie.  The innocence of childhood in an apparent happy family unit.  Both little boys were animated in their conversation with me, from the next table… Read More »

Snake Bite

Reading Time: 4 minutes The CP sessions with the domme started some months after the hypnosis.  Even so it’s nearly three years since that first one.  After the latest CP session (yesterday at time of starting this post) I’ve had time to reflect on how much I’ve changed and accomplished in those three years. That first CP session was my first in… Read More »

SwirlingFire: Laughter

Reading Time: 2 minutes #WickedWednesday Prompt #365 – Laughter This Shirley temple giggle gif is probably the one I’m known for using most frequently – when I’ve genuinely giggled with a tweet thread. Extract: During a laugh, respiration, heart rate and blood pressure temporarily rise. This causes oxygen to surge through the bloodstream that then results in lower blood pressure. Laughter improves… Read More »

SwirlingFire: The Request

Reading Time: 7 minutes The Request I’ve never made a secret of my introduction into the depraved and darkly delicious addictive ways of a malevolent dom of shady intentions.  I think I’ve written more than thirty blogs about the ways I was manipulated and coerced into a non-consensual D/s “affair” – which, upon reflection can be termed as “CNC”. I’m using this… Read More »

Who Do You Want In Your Corner ?

Reading Time: 4 minutes In this age of online social media it’s not uncommon for people, especially kids, to say that they have hundreds of friends.  Those of us slightly older remember the sage advice that if you can reach the end of your life counting true friends on the fingers of more than one hand, then you’ve been well served in… Read More »

SwirlingFire: Reflections Part 2 – Exposed

Reading Time: 4 minutes Reflections Part 2 – Exposed Married lovers ? Non Consensual non monogamous relationships Poly with  multiple partners that other partners  don’t know you’re Involved with but really should? Untreated STI Lying about sexual health Hiding our real sexual orientation or who we really feel we are (apologies don’t know correct term/phrase) Non disclosure of marital status long distance… Read More »

SwirlingFire: Silent Scream

Reading Time: 2 minutes Silent Scream I’m sat cross legged on a squishy futon.  As I brush fluff from my trousers The woman opposite mirrors me.  Expertly examining my face and body language for “tells”. I smile inwardly whilst feeling that familiar catch in my throat and my chest tightening are about to betray my cool exterior. I’m usually very good at… Read More »

SwirlingFire: Mentor

Reading Time: 4 minutes   CONTENT WARNING TRIGGER WARNING Emotional Abuse Mentor When I first starting spending time with mindWizard I had no idea what my kinks were or how to articulate themes.  I would get phases of him sending perfect bodied adults in typical B&W photos/gif. Not once did I knowingly consent to any other activity except OTK spanking.  In agreeing… Read More »