[F4TFriday] I Write

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I write.

For work I’ve written dry technical documents for far too many years.  It’s a feature of the tech world that when someone has spent long enough at the coal face such that they’re quite valuable in that role, they get set to writing documents and specifications about it.  The ability to spell and use grammar dooms you to never going back to the really interesting stuff.

On a personal level I’ve maintained a low level of writing for many years.  Be it a weekly diary / journal for my mistress to read my thoughts, a LiveJournal page for similar reasons that garnered about 40 views in its lifetime.  I wrote a few pieces posted on Informed Consent and on FetLife.  The odd thing about those posts was that I wanted them public and linked to me, yet unlikely to attract attention – I succeeded.

That’s the aspect that’s always held me back, I’ve never liked public attention, I am a natural introvert.

writing-01I’ve written elsewhere about the genesis of this blog and how it coincided with the first time that melody took absolute control.  Not related incidents, fortuitous though.

Having been encouraged to write my first posts I allowed myself to see that I had a fuller story to tell about my winding road through D/s.  I assumed it had a natural end and a limited lifetime of posts.  I never thought that the blog would see more than a handful of posts and envisaged that it would become latent as I wracked my brain for something fresh to write about.

The stirrings of melody as a real persona capable of operating as herself is what changed that.  She’s not an extrovert and doesn’t particularly seek public attention, yet unlike ‘him’ she won’t shy away from it here.  She’s capable of standing up and being proud.  And she can be quite ‘gobby’.

She’s ever evolving and growing.  Parts of the blog have become a documentary about how I feel when I discover new aspects of the ever changing me.  The person I write this for, is ME.  What started as a relatively impersonal and dry retelling of past events has morphed into something rather more intimate and revealing.  This mirrors how my confidence in being melody has grown.  The fear of ridicule, shame or embarrassment in laying out feelings and emotions in public much reduced.

I never expected anyone else to read it and I still don’t.  I am grateful and humbled that you do read it, that there’s a group of people who have invested in what I write and have provided support and friendship because of it.  So, whilst I write for me, it is also true that without that friendship and support I would not write half as much as I do.

Another main topic on this blog is my activities and thoughts on D/s.  Without doubt my domme could have killed the blog in it’s earliest days by objecting to posts that referenced activities with her.  We can thank her for her hands off approach that I gained the confidence to be able to write about D/s in the present as opposed to just in the past.  She led me to understand that she had no time to read and was indifferent to what I wrote and that freed me from agonising over every sentence in case I said the wrong thing.  You read my D/s type posts and she’s quite abstract in them.  I’m really grateful she knew how to give me that freedom.

writing-02

I write, and sometimes I do have a target audience – my domme.

Sometimes things bubble for a long time or need far more words than an email, or more structure than a conversation.  Sometimes there are topics which are too awkward for the introvert to broach directly.  I can write a post with her as the audience in mind – and very oddly, it doesn’t matter if she reads it or not.  That initial hands off from her means I’m not seeking her attention from a post, I’ve said what I needed to say and that’s what counts.

And you know what ?  Yeah, she does read the blog 🤣😜

I write because you can’t separate melody from the D/s.  I write to explore how they intertwine, how submission and pain interact with hypnosis and the growing facets, even struggles, of being melody.

Never mind running out of things to write about.

At the time of writing I’ve published around 180 posts (there’s almost another 60 from Swirly).  I’m astounded when I look at that figure.

I write because it gives expression to things I would otherwise have never discussed.

I write to slowly put the pieces of the jigsaw back together after someone knocked the almost completed puzzle off the table and onto the floor.  And as I put them back together I find it’s a completely different picture.

I write because somewhere along the way I have accumulated a set of friends who have confounded me by being interested in not just what I write, but also me.

#F4TFriday prompt #113 ‘The Why of Blogging’.
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