How real is melody ? It’s a question I’ve asked myself for years. In past years the answer would come back that she’s not very real, though her presence might explain some odd quirks of behaviour or feelings that are abnormal for the general personality.
In more recent times with the encouragement of hypnosis, she is most definitely real. How do I know this ? It’s all down to emotions. She handles them very differently.
The majority of the time him and her are happily side by side. This is a combined entity that I can happily call ‘me’, there’s no friction or competition, it’s the entity that faces daily life.
There are times when he takes charge, this is usually when decisions and action are required. He gets things done with a minimal amount of fuss and drama. He’s not being misogynistic, just that he’s had over 50 years dealing with that stuff and it’s his natural domain. She’s happy to leave him to it.
Generally you might say that he’s more likely to be noticeably ascendant in the work environment and she will be more ascendant in the home environment where female dress is the norm. There is no noticeable switch-over between them, it’s a fluid thing that doesn’t even register unless there’s a reaction to something which triggers a recognition that it could only have come from one or the other.
The one area where there is a big divide between the two is in the handling and processing of emotion.
He’s a product of his generation and upbringing. Emotion is something to hide and deal with quietly and efficiently. This does not mean that he bottles up or represses emotion, I think that’s a common mistake when people talk about males not handling emotions. Consider going down a canal lock. The lock is full of water and you open the sluice gates to let the water out. No one notices any rise in the water levels of the canal and yet the lock is now down to the level of lower part of the canal. His handling of emotion is very much like that. There’s a built up reservoir which is bled away to empty, but no one notices either that the emotional reservoir was there in the first place or that it’s now empty.
That’s how it’s been since I was conscious of needing to handle emotions.
And melody ? Ah !!
It seems that melody feeds on emotions. When an emotion is strong enough she can latch on to it and use it to force her way in to be the dominant personality. It doesn’t dissipate, somehow she keeps the reservoir full until she’s ready to let it go. The intensity of emotion that she can maintain is almost shocking to the onlooking male persona.
What sort of intensity is this ? It can be an almost irrational set of feelings, even having physical form. When I can spend hours, or even a day or more, constantly on the verge of tears with the emotional intensity, that’s when I know melody is at the forefront and not giving up the limelight until she’s ready.
I’ve learned that this has to be let take its course. To let melody work through it before being ready to become an element of ‘me’ again. I’ve also learned that in this state melody can be a bit of a drama queen.
None of these things are natural to him and not even natural to the combined ‘me’. They are entirely manifestations from melody. Why would I even consider that she isn’t real ?