SwirlingFire: Betrayed

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Betrayed

I saw the idea to write daily via a semi pro writer/tweeter.

It was to write 365 words everyday.  I bent the directive to help maintain focus.

I call it my #365Words.

As I attempted the first few days, I found I had started to write prose, sometimes loosely rhyming, yet not a specific rhyming couplets style.  I use it as an exercise, following a recent “Creative Writing Course” to see where the course contents and my thoughts take me.

In June 2019 – when I started writing daily – social media, Twitter pals’ with their sometimes insensitive approaches, others’ blog post content and mainstream news outlets had been rife with reported sexual assaults discrediting Rape Survivors.  The #MeToo age was in the forefront. People were judging others without accurate facts. Women were insidious to other women online referencing news/court cases.

The overload of online information was possibly pushing me to breaking point. 

SwirlingFire: It’s Definitely YOUR Fault

Whilst using photo prompts and learning to write a cheerful piece, at the most unlikely of times – I experienced a full flashback.

SwirlingFire: Betrayal

The following content is exactly what happened at that moment in time.  It was like my hand was forced into automatic writing on the iPad. 

The initial paragraphs are based on my conscious thoughts with the photo, what happened, without warning, can only be flagged as

CONTENT NOTICE

Contains references to Violent Sexual Assault

TRIGGER WARNING

Sexual Assault

Violence

Please take good care of yourselves with the following words, if you choose to continue.

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Betrayal

Blinding and bright

The warmth gently relaxing and calming furrowed brows

Eyes shielded in large framed sunnies beneath an outback leather hat,

Protection from the elements

Cool to the touch, chilled not iced

The humidity quickly changed the opacity of the container.

The sound of chipped ice was gently soothing against the noise inside my head.

Shopping list, errands and planning all clinking together.

The straw, a bright cherry red, met resistance against the contents.

A delicious colour palette of not quite orange and not quite yellow

Tropical colours with a tropical name,

I forgot its name as soon as I heard it,

That’s how it works nowadays

In and immediately lost

Or lodged and swirled and toyed and turned with all the other word portals

Words come and go

There are thoughts that stay

They find the tiniest of cracks and wedge themselves inside

Like bindweed, at first pretty coloured flowers, soon , they stick and become embedded, noxious toxic signposts.

All the words I chose to dismiss at the time.

Now those sentences return,

Fully formed and heavy with morning dew

Big bulbous pods

Waiting to burst open

Flinging their contents deeper into conscious form

Sticky seeds clinging and gripping until they become unbearable

Cool green fronds unfurl delicately

Just as one thinks a pleasant comment is coming,

The words snap like the sting of a cane

Deep unexpected words spat with

bitterness and cruelty

Pinned to the spot

Unable to breathe from the pain deep inside

Milliseconds suspended in time

All that can be heard is the blood rushing inside the ears

Heart thumping so loud

So fast

So strong

Convinced it will explode

Violently

Without warning

Muscles contracting to fight back

Nothing works

Brain is no longer connected to the physical plane

Drifting up

Psyche breaks free

Hovering overhead

Making lists of details

A mouth that talks

I hear nothing

I feel nothing

I see all.

What seems like forever

Was probably no more than 60 seconds

without the struggle

To break free

Confused is NO

It translates to YES

Kicking and struggling

Slapped

Gripped

Airway closing

Drowning in fibre

The ache inside builds into crippling pain.

Swirlingfire: A Posting History

@Swirlingfire, 27 June 2019

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