SwirlingFire: Reality Kicks In

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Reality kicks in

When the bile rises from your gut to your throat
Chest tightens as one tries to catch their breath.
An alternating cold hot sweat that prickles up the back of one’s neck;
Gripped both by loathing and a furious passion.

The no contact continues
Its tough the first few days and weeks. Then it begins to ease.
The day passes more gently with fewer invasive thoughts.
The nights are difficult.
Endless empty hours stretching before you.
Trying to get comfy against the piles of pillows.
Then it hits you
A thought
A Saying
A quote
Or although you’ve muted, blocked and deactivated everywhere you remember,
Something slips through and smashes the tiny boundary of calm neatly building about / around yourself.
Protection, not hiding this time.

Something so personal
A picture once exchanged sent to another.
Familiar words exchanged to someone new.

And there it is

A punch in the guts.

The collar.
Around someone else’s neck

A promise broken
The greatest betrayal of trust respect care and kindness.

Smashed to pieces
All or nothing.

I was nothing

@SwirlingFire 9 October 2018