It’s all very well being submissive but unless you have someone to be submissive to then it’s unlikely that you’ll be able to push your limits very much. Personally I hate the self-application of pain and can’t do it.
As a submissive there is a good question as to how far you can go in your submission to push your limits. In this post, originally put up on FetLife, I discuss breaking a hard limit. The euphoria from the trust to accomplish such a thing is immense.
“Will you try something new ?”
That’s a hell of a question for a domme to ask. All sorts of dynamics come in to play. She knows the limits you’ve discussed and yet you know she wouldn’t ask unless she felt I was ready to confront what she had in mind. Despite being somewhat conditioned to obey and having a minor goddess complex for the lady concerned I’m hardly likely to jump off a cliff at her command – one reason I have little time for the unreality of the ‘no limits’ subs. Yet the question has to be considered in full seriousness based on a level of trust built up over some time. She knows me inside out, she wants me to grow and part of that growth is to trust her enough to let her have me confront and overcome new boundaries.
This domme/sub thing is so full of nuances. I’m not masochist enough to be able to do more than inflict mild discomfort when trying something solo. Yet for the right person I can enjoy the internal fight as they inflict pain beyond previous limits. The ultimate thing to cling to as the mind focuses down to a single point being the deep trust that despite the pain they are causing, they will never hurt you.
Under normal circumstances new implements or equipment used in a session come under the grandfather clause of initial consent, they will be a surprise in and of their effects. So it is highly unusual for consent to be sought. By itself that’s a note to take the conversation very seriously and to avoid a flippant response.
Frankly, at this point she’s managed to set up everything in her favour and minimise the odds that I’ll baulk at the idea. Of course I can say no, this is (and has to be) a free will decision. I may no longer be captive in the session that had just finished but it’s difficult to entirely get out of that mindset. And of course there’s a little twist. The question is about next time, the little cat and mouse play on the mind over an extended period of time.
I was rather surprised in how quickly I did say yes. The overriding factor seemed to be the curiosity of a new challenge and experience, wanting to push at the boundaries of trust as I try to keep my mind calm whilst accepting the power I have given this person over me.
By the time I left the chambers that day I had agreed that she could perform needle play !! What would not so long ago have been a hard limit had turned in to curiosity and then the big step of agreeing to know what it felt like to be a pin cushion.
All of which means that not so long ago I found myself ordered to lay on a bench, intellectually knowing what was about to happen and preparing my mind to cope with the experience.
Did I enjoy the new experience ? At the time, I’d say that the high came more from committing to the unknown and the exhilaration of seeing it through with mental equanimity. Next time might be more challenging since as well as she led me through it, the lady will always push at established boundaries.
Indeed, as I look back the physical needle play was one new experience but there was another one that may be more profound for my growth as a sub. I realise that it’s the first time that a domme has actively solicited me to go completely outside my box. Until now my play has been about turning fantasy in to reality, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. But the key thing is that when something has been tried it is something that has been part of my imagination and fantasy. I’ve never fantasised about needle play, except that until recently it was considered a no go hard limit. So this may be the more profound thing I’ve learned from that mouth drying question “Will you try something new ?”