New Role #SB4MH

Some of you may have seen that I am a new member of the team at Sex Bloggers for Mental Health.  Thank you @SassyCat3000 and @May_Matters for inviting me onto the team.

Rant #396

If there’s one thing to seriously enrage me in the office over and above the high noise levels it is the sounds and smells of people eating at their desks.

Pistanthrophobia

I wrote a piece on trust at the beginning of the year.  This #TellMeAbout prompt allows me to reassess a few things and be clear, at least in my own mind, as to what my own personal nuances around trust mean. Trust is a strange commodity.  I was going to write that I don’t have any in the… Read More »

SwirlingFire: Ignite

Ignite Emotional abusers within the BDSM community are moving amongst us. They’re well known yet continue to “operate” shielded by sycophants.  Often known as an “enabler” DM conversations have repeated the same names.  Over and over again.  Some of my online experiences (I’ll take 50%) have been through misunderstandings. Mine and theirs. I don’t give offence, it’s taken. If I’ve… Read More »

Who Do You Want In Your Corner ?

In this age of online social media it’s not uncommon for people, especially kids, to say that they have hundreds of friends.  Those of us slightly older remember the sage advice that if you can reach the end of your life counting true friends on the fingers of more than one hand, then you’ve been well served in… Read More »

Stepping Out

There are different types of hypnosis sessions and my favourite is the real-time session.  These are the same format as the online webcam sessions, except that we’re in the same room and about three feet apart.  There’s an added element of intimacy to these sessions.  She can play more with her voice in the confidence that technology won’t… Read More »

SwirlingFire: Gaslighting & Ghosting

Gaslighting & Ghosting 7 Stages of Gaslighting in a Relationship The term originates from the Film ‘Fanny by Gaslight’ – A charming and handsome man with a dastardly past exploits his knowledge of her family history to manipulate an innocent young woman. 

Boiling A Frog

For me the term spanking is not, as it might be for others, a short sharp punishment.  It’s not a six of the best to highlight a broken rule.  For me it’s part of a highly intimate dance over one or perhaps two hours in a CP session. The actual spanking part is an intermediate stage in a… Read More »

SwirlingFire: Clique Bait

  Clique Bait I’ve been thinking about the way I express myself quite a lot lately.  Especially in the speedy way that Twitter makes my mind race too fast.  I’ve mentioned in the past that what passes for my extremely dry/gallows/friendly sarcasm in real life is greatly skewed in typed form.  Intonation, giggle, smiles and reciprocated put downs… Read More »

SwirlingFire: Reflections Part 2 – Exposed

Reflections Part 2 – Exposed Married lovers ? Non Consensual non monogamous relationships Poly with  multiple partners that other partners  don’t know you’re Involved with but really should? Untreated STI Lying about sexual health Hiding our real sexual orientation or who we really feel we are (apologies don’t know correct term/phrase) Non disclosure of marital status long distance… Read More »

Bank Holiday Silliness

Gender dysphoria is often accompanied by body dysmorphia.  For some it’s debilitating.  Fortunately, I only have a light version of it.  I was doing well last year with weight loss until I got seriously ill and ended up putting half of it back on.  I’m finding it depressingly hard to shift. Looking at myself can set off all… Read More »

SwirlingFire: Glowing Embers

CONTENT WARNING Mild references to Gaslighting Mild references to Sexual Assault “….. How will you re-engage with counselling ?   You have a shit load to say now !  …..”

Do I Love or Hate Pain ? – Yes

I don’t watch or browse porn.  I certainly used to.  If I had to put my finger on it, the (never intense) interest in porn waned as the chastity lifestyle took hold and other parts of my makeup that I now recognise had a chance to incubate and then germinate. If someone pointed me at a video, I… Read More »

SwirlingFire: Reflection

  Reflection   When we, okay I, think of blogging, I always think of the romantic frothy persona created by Carrie Bradshaw – the lead character from ‘sex and the City’ all those years ago.  The truth is my life is nothing like hers apart from one (two if you count luxury footwear) major similarity. We both make… Read More »

It’s Just Banter, Isn’t It?

Content / Trigger Warning Sexual Harassment Rape Male victims This piece goes outside my usual themes.  Over the years I’ve heard a lot in public and in confidence about the struggles and consequences of women with male behaviour ranging from the unthinking harassment of ‘banter’ to full on sexual, physical and mental aggression. My sympathy, empathy and support… Read More »

My Lifestyle Rules

I’ve spent some time considering this simple word and frankly, I must be a disappointment in this respect. I first encountered online forums some 25 years ago and if you want obsessive rules, these are still the places to go.  Whether it was the high protocol rooms on IRC – ‘slave must kneel and ask permission to enter… Read More »

SwirlingFire: Circle of Flames

  Circle of Flames   Something has been playing on my mind for quite some time. Boundaries. I realise I’ve never had many or as I’m beginning to accept – any. On early arrival onto Twitter somebody during the course of a DM conversation used the term ‘people pleaser’.  The descriptions certainly echoed many things I was doing… Read More »

Why I’m not an Ally

It’s a lovely, inclusive honourific to receive from a friend, but I’m really coming to loathe the term.  Maybe that’s not quite right, I think what I loathe is the fakeness it generates in the broader world. At best it’s a badge to show off right-on credentials and moral superiority.  At worst it’s cover for perpetrators to continue… Read More »

Colour Coordination

Generally I hate the thought of posting something self-indulgent.  Then once in a while I think, what the hell, this is my blog. Over recent months melody has become primary enough to be out and about in public.  Yesterday was a long trip to the dungeon, which means stops at service stations and being exposed to the public. … Read More »