With only a few exceptions every person who has been part of my D/s journey has been a fan of Leonard Cohen. Perhaps that’s because beyond the lyrical and romantic poetry, the understanding of the human condition, there’s more than a hint he had some BDSM leanings. Live versions of I’m Your Man usually included “I’ll wear a… Read More »
Content Notice: “As with all my pieces, I write from personal experience not make believe fantasy. Please exercise care. No detailed trauma. References to ‘scat play’ and clinical PTSD lists” The Path To Enlightenment Triggers can be both positive and negative. I know this may sound counter-intuitive, but bear with me. To understand what a TRUE trigger… Read More »
Content Notice: No flesh on display There’s a dividing line in my relationship with the camera. Until very recently, I didn’t have one. I aggressively avoided being in any picture. The only pictures of me being for a passport and very reluctantly, ID for work (though I did pass off a picture of Father Jack as ID for an… Read More »
Content Warning: Discusses non-consensual activities – Blackmail I saw a picture on my Twitter timeline that set off all my tics and triggers about the blurring of consent.
Life sometimes offers us an opportunity to revisit an event of the past and have the pleasure of completing it in a way that was not possible in that past. To put right some ills or disappointments.
Hanging in the Balance June 2019 – That was a bitch of a month. It’s been a while since I’ve had the strange tummy twirling. I guess other people call them “butterflies” – it feels more thuddy than the usual ‘excited / nerves’ sensations. I thought it was possibly hunger but, I think we both know that it’s… Read More »
This prompt is a bit outside my normal thought patterns. First, the last movie I was interested enough to see in the cinema on its release was Close Encounter of the Third Kind (1977) – yes, it’s been 42 years since I’ve been in a cinema. And, second, my general lack of interest in sex. Or in the… Read More »
Crazy It all started as a throw away comment with a giffage war in DM. A private nickname. The style in which it was presented was with good grace and was taken with good grace as, no doubt, I’d done or said something daft. It happens a lot. I get the silly giggles and do embarrassing stuff. Too… Read More »
Am I going crazy ? That wasn’t a totally silly question. As I now know, melody has been there for a very long time although largely ignored. The first time she grabbed control and wouldn’t let go was a scary mental episode to come to terms with. I know it’s not a coincidence that she did so a… Read More »
Betrayal A weird feeling in the pit of my stomach It’s not anxiety It’s different It feels like it’s attached Deep inside my core. I thought at first I needed more water to drink, The trembling of dehydration in soaring temperatures That moment before The room goes silent You feel as though you’re about to vomit A hot… Read More »
Humiliation play, this is an awkward one. Done within consensual, negotiated boundaries there’s a fair number will safely enjoy this type of play. I recently became reacquainted with an old post by @_floss_84 on cuckolding that includes a passage on the humiliation aspect that I asked to reproduce for this piece. Humiliation – Why have I, after saying it isn’t about… Read More »
Betrayal ! It’s an ugly word. For me betrayal apparently happens over small things, it’s not the big thing that others describe replete with the frenzy of Armageddon. In fact I think the worst betrayal I experienced was because she didn’t know she’d done it, despite it being implemented months before it was activated.
I thought I knew about communication in a D/s relationship after the years with the former mistress. Like most long lived relationships we had established good communication. Some accomplished with my weekly journal and increasingly the unconscious communications of people who know each other very well. It’s worth noting that your agreed ground rules to communication must be adhered… Read More »
After recent events and posts it is worthwhile lightening up a little. What I had in mind to write for this F4TFriday veered off in to an ugliness of spirit that had to be scrapped. Instead, I thought I would be more jovial and visit some of the close calls from my 20+ years of travelling. International travel… Read More »
It’s Definitely YOUR Fault CONTENT NOTICE References to: Rape, Sexual assault When reading blogs from professionally paid writers one expects a certain level of responsibility, regardless of personal views. Albeit, their views delivered in a palatable, sensibly reasoned way. A few days ago I read a blog from a very well known name. It’s been Retweeted and commented upon… Read More »
Survive: Part 2 [Part one of @SwirlingFire’s survival guide is here: Survive – Part 1]
Survive How to survive:- Wake up every morning but you wish you hadn’t Make a morning coffee and sit quietly contemplating what horrors will be reactivated inside ones mind Start the process of slipping back into auto pilot to care for #Mothership Navigate around the home without falling apart into a tearful sobbing mess so Mum wont hear… Read More »
I did something for the first time ever this Father’s Day, I muted the words on Twitter. I don’t mean it was the first time I’d muted these particular words, it was the first time I’d muted anything at all. This is all quite strange because it wasn’t about poignant or hard memories, it was the fact that… Read More »
When she can face the outside world my former mistress (that’s a lot to keep typing, I’ll call her P) is the one sounding board where I know I can get complete non-judgemental honesty – it works in the other direction, too. Her C-PTSD can mean that several months go by between meet ups over a good long… Read More »
Judgemental vs Moral Compass A fire is burning so strong inside me that I’m struggling to extinguish the growing flames. I’m unable to direct the heat to those that should hear my words.