[F4TFriday] When I Grow Up
That’s a prompt phrase that either gets a serious polemic or used for a bit of fun.
Ask me at about the youngest age I can remember and I’d have described something like this picture. I wanted to grow up to be the maiden tied to the tracks.
I’m not sure I cared about some dumb handsome lumberjack coming to rescue me. I cared about being bound and helpless – oh, and female.
In a way, I’ve not done badly on that one. I am quite regularly bound and helpless, though I’m not sure I envisaged wallowing in the accompanying pain way back then. As for the female part, I’m working on that harder than previously.
What did the small boy want to be when he grew up ? I’ve no recollection of ever having any burning desire. Sure, if I was asked in the usual fashion by an adult of some description I’d come out with one of the stock answers – though by then the age of steam was over, so train driver was out.
I never got the impression that an adult was ever actually bothered, it was a pretend interest in the child that anyway, was supposed to be seen and not heard.
Of course, the adults genuinely asking that question were family, particularly parents. It can be a fraught discussion when your real answer is “I don’t know”. That just signifies that you’re lazy, devoid of ambition, perhaps dim-witted. For the sake of peace I tended to feed back what they wanted to hear, that is their own plans for my future that they’d never ask if that’s what I wanted. It put off the inevitable disappointment for a few years.
But what about when you’re officially grown up ? I think it’s rare for people to actually think of themselves as grown up – it’s always something that will happen in the future, no matter how old you are.
Maybe you’d call it suppression or displacement activity where my whole energy went in to career for several decades. Thrusting to be part of the dot com bonanza and never quite getting there – what did I want to be when I now grew up ? I wanted to be selling my company stock for millions and become an incubator for new technologies. Never quite worked out like that 😡
Life can take some odd twists and turns, it’s presented me with the opportunity to ask anew what I want to be when I grow up.
During hypnosis the domme has made rare forays into providing some elements of what she herself visualises as melody. Those elements became, to a degree, a mutual vision. Then, shortly after they were introduced I came across a picture that sums up the mutual vision. When she saw it, she just replied ‘Wow’ in full agreement.
What does melody want to be when she grows up ? I give you this:-
June 19, 2019 @ 4:07 am
I loved the ‘train of thought’ you put into this piece. It reminds me a conversation with pet. When he was young he was forced to play prince and princesses with his cousins. He was the only boy so he always had to be the prince. He didn’t understand why he couldn’t be the princess too.
June 19, 2019 @ 7:01 am
I have sympathy with pet’s position, it seems trivial but that kind of early gender stereotyping tends to stay with you forever – the unfairness of it.
Thank you, melody x
June 19, 2019 @ 10:47 am
I knew you would understand. It isn’t trivial to him as he can see from that age he has many feminine qualities. It upsets him that he was never told he was pretty. Why does it always have to be masculine words like handsome.
So when he is feeling really low I make it a point to tell him that he is pretty, and that’s all that matters.
June 19, 2019 @ 11:13 am
I grew up in a time where there was a very rigid social definition and conformance to a boy being masculine and woe betide those that deviated from it. Illustrated with a quote from my father THIS year – “There’s men who dye their hair …. well, of course they’re not really men.”
One of the great joys is with people who I know and meet who only consider me female and treat me as such, no matter what the outward appearance.
June 19, 2019 @ 11:22 am
You are who you feel and say you are. Appearances be damned, our bodies are transportation devices, yes they give us pleasurable things too, but what matters to me is the heart and soul of a person. Please keep being who you feel you are, you are always welcome with me. 💞
June 15, 2019 @ 8:44 pm
I enjoyed reading this, it tied a few loose threads together in the ‘melody’ tapestry your posts are building. It is fascinating how early we are alerted to the presence of our sexual preferences, at a fairly young age I was pretending to be tied to a tree and tormented …
I for one am delighted that you (through hypnotism) are getting closer to your original dream, I hope airing your thoughts on this blog and community support is offering some impetus too.
You’ve chosen a beautiful image to dream about and move towards.
June 16, 2019 @ 11:21 am
Thank you, Posy. I know so many people who had childhood dreams of being bound and helpless, or doing the binding. Yet with those dreams they were mostly too young to put any sexual slant to them. Obviously, we remember those things later and put flesh on those images.
We learn to keep those things secret, even when of an innocent age, you know that saying “I want to be the bound and helpless heroine” is not going to go down well 😂👗
June 15, 2019 @ 5:19 pm
Thank you for sharing…. I hope you achieve your goal ☺️
June 15, 2019 @ 5:27 pm
Well that would be a really interesting thing to grow up in to 🤣💃👗
June 15, 2019 @ 4:08 pm
That is interesting that you knew from a young age that you wanted to be female – you must have had so many struggles going on in your head over that.
And the picture at the end – well yes – to look like that is a dream for a lot of us – and of course I know that photo of you in the gorgeous white dress. Seeing that on Bibs blog was actually the first time I found Melody. Little did I know how often I would come to stalk your blog! x
June 15, 2019 @ 4:37 pm
Oh, that’s rather a gratifying surprise that you remember the debut guest post on B1’s blog.
Those sorts of memories from a young age can be a significant indicator when confronting things at a much later age. When confronted with all the evidence, this is the one that often tells it’s not a new fad, that no matter how repressed in the meantime the thoughts have always been there, that they are real and not a memory trick brought on by too much absinthe or gin.
I have a definite advantage in that I have the opportunity to ask again what I want to be when I grow up. Physically that picture is not realistic, mentally I know my domme would love to accomplish that, as would I.
Lovely that you decided to keep coming back as I do enjoy your incisiveness and wit.