Whether it’s D/s or manifestations of gender dysphoria it’s safe to say that I’ve been tightly locked in the closet for most of my life. When the important parts of my life were career and social/family it was terrifying to consider putting any of that in jeopardy to cater for some nagging black thoughts in the very back of my head.
Very slowly over the years I found like minded people with whom I could associate and experiment in secluded privacy. Being social was never one of his great traits. Finding someone to first talk to and then overcome a bucket load of fear and trust issues could take years before being able to meet, especially if it involved dressing. One wounding puncture in that environment and the set back would take years to overcome, if at all.
Nearly 15 years ago I became involved with someone who saw much much more in me than I ever could and set me on a path that I find incredible when I reflect on it. She saw and named ‘melody’, she never shamed, she always encouraged.
Opportunity arises from strange places. It was several years after that relationship ended before I encountered my current domme and things have accelerated significantly. The hypnosis, especially the long form brainwashing session has seen melody emerge in her own right. Even to the extent that she’s the primary most of the time.
It’s a major curiosity as to what has caused this significant shift. There’s no overt suggestions to define who or what melody is, the primary factor is that hypnosis has created a previously unknown envelope of confidence from which melody can explore and be herself.
Over the last year, there’s been a creeping display of female attributes in daily life and the ability to be seen in public, albeit with little interaction.
This is the slightly long lead up to events of this week.
I’ve known @PosyChurchgate since quite early on in my blogging career, she was one of the first to welcome me and be very helpful. I’ve observed the momentum with bloggers where they like the opportunity to meet and find out more. I think it’s something to do with an innate curiosity in writers.
We discovered that when I go to a brainwashing session I’m not that far from Posy’s neck of the woods and a tentative feeler to meet up eventually turned in to a definite date. Normally I’ll do the long drive home after a session, which makes for a gruelling day. To spend the night in a local hotel and a gentle morning the following day was very appealing.
I don’t think there was ever any doubt that it would be melody turning up. Dear readers and those who interact with me online do not know any other side to me but melody. You have your views about who she might be and the one thing to throw you for a loop would be to encounter a suit and tie. That’s so far from your image of me as to be ridiculous. There’s expectations and a high degree of pre-acceptance already present when encountering her slightly unusual form.
These days the melody that is seen in public has tight female jeans. She has heeled boots, in this case 3 1/2″ knee high. The top was a bit of a compromise. The one I’d intended didn’t work without some artificial cleavage – and no matter the current level of confidence, it doesn’t extend that far in public (yet).
Although melody has been comfortable being seen this way in public, this was a whole new level. Walking from the car park through to the other side of the mall to reach the meeting point. Noticing the occasional turned head and double take. Not very long ago there would have been the sotto voce “look at the state of that” comments and this would have been too much to handle, now she doesn’t give a damn.
She’s never met anyone outside the limited domme acquaintances as melody.
I can’t think of anyone nicer than Posy to change that. I recognised her and smiled as I’m sure I saw her look beyond in the hope that there was someone more sensible looking lurking behind me.
Nerves ? Not a one. I’d already walked a goodly distance through the mall. The worst that could happen was rejection and the way melody now conducts herself that does not bother her in the slightest. To my eternal surprise melody is something of a social creature, though not necessarily a party animal.
I’m not sure where all the time went and it was a lovely time.
Walking back across the mall to the car park I understood some of the changes that are evolving in melody. To be able to look directly in the eyes of oncoming strangers knowing that if they have a problem with melody, it is ‘their’ problem not mine.
The old nursery rhyme was going around inside my head.