What we perceive to be parallel lines, aren’t. My technical brain can envisage two things side-by-side going on forever. The science of perspective tells me I can never actually see this. The vanishing point in a picture is something to cause wonder. The works of Vermeer are a wonderful example of putting the parallel in perspective.
For myself, I have often wondered about parallel lives and whether there is some perspective that sees them meet in the vanishing point or continue apart forever.
Some memories of my earliest thoughts were “what if I was a girl ?”. That’s a thought that’s recurred in various ways over the years. These days it’s very prominent and since I’ve reached a certain age it also has me wondering what a parallel life as female might have been, how different it would have played out ?
And since there may be an element of looking at the greener grass on the other side, I can’t help question if she would have been wondering what a life of being male was like ? 😱😁
The question of parallel life hinges on events and what would have been different about them as a girl.
The early trauma of being plucked from all that was familiar by a family move far away is one such event. From that moment on he became solitary, making acquaintances, yet never friends. Would that little girl have handled it differently ? I’ve talked to several women who can tell a remarkably similar tale and reaction. So I wonder if that little me in a dress and mary-janes would have been any different or would she have embraced that life changing event ?
Would she have been the life and soul of any group ? How about knuckling down at school and conforming rather than having the desire for learning bored out of her ?
I remember a girl in my year at school, something of a bedraggled tom boy. When she turned up in the 6th form she’d become ultra-girly overnight, she had flouncy skirts and 3″ strappy sandals. Would that have been me ? At the time, I rather wished it was.
And with that blossoming, what about her sexual awakening and exploration ? In having parents with a Victorian ethos, would she have fought for herself ? I doubt it, it was still a time of conformance and attitudes about fallen women having sex before wedlock. In a small-ish town, rumours (or slander) would get around quickly, it could be suffocating.
Late teens to mid-twenties were a hard and confusing time for him. I suspect that for her those years would have been mapped out by expectations of conformity. A steady, parentally approved ‘nice’ boyfriend, soon to be husband.
Although it’s fantasy speculation I can’t help thinking about that and how much she’d have to talk herself in to accepting and wanting what everyone expected to be the course of her life. Would she have had time to go to university ? Would she have wanted to ?
Would her early ambitions have been about making the perfect dinner and raising the perfect children ?
From this distance I find it hard to see if she’d have enjoyed domesticity – or if you wish, being domesticated. Or, if she’d have been a rebel.
The idea of her being me makes me wonder how closely some of our attitudes would align. The big question mark is the one of sexuality. Would she, just like me, have tried to conform for so long before giving up ? In my case, recognising being asexual. I’m not sure she would come to the same conclusion, more that it would be an awakening and exploration.
Would she have discovered D/s ? Maybe even as a domme ? That may be a thought too far with all that conformity drilled in from so early on.
Looking through that mirror into her parallel life is wistful fun. I’m not going to get hung up because it didn’t happen, nor dwell on pointless wishing I could suddenly walk through that mirror.
The only fantasy about this is wondering how my life would have mapped out if one particular event had been different – being born female. The rest is entirely feasible speculation, often about totally mundane aspects of what daily life would be and which events would assume importance.
With the rules of perspective, parallel lines meet. Perhaps there’s a point where those parallel lives can meet and merge, too. And I wonder who’d have the most shoes ? 👠
Written for the #WickedWednesday meme of “Parallel”. Why not go check out the other posts by clicking on the button.
March 9, 2019 @ 1:23 am
Great post! I think we all play the “what if” game, now and then. Thanks for sharing! 😉
March 6, 2019 @ 9:42 am
A lovely post, and you had me thinking about the series. Fringe, where a parallel universe existed, and how I sometimes feel that we do have a parallel universe somewhere. Not necessarily where a boy is a girl or a girl is a boy, but maybe where a shy person is totally outspoken, or a poor person is a rich one. Sometimes it’s good to think about those things, about ‘how it would’ve been’, but essentially I think it’s better to accept that this is what it is and make the best of every day, as life is just so damn short. Thanks for giving us an insight in your thoughts, Melody.