The CP sessions with the domme started some months after the hypnosis. Even so it’s nearly three years since that first one. After the latest CP session (yesterday at time of starting this post) I’ve had time to reflect on how much I’ve changed and accomplished in those three years.
That first CP session was my first in about 5 years and was an exploration, a feeler to see if I still had that need and desire as well as for her to gauge me and my reactions. I seem to recall that afterwards I said it reached about a 6 to 7 out of 10 and was relatively comfortable. The next time she took me to 9.9 to know where my limits were.
At one or other of those first session I brought her a gift from her wishlist of a single tail whip made from rattlesnake skin. Many subs will bring gifts that they think they want to be used on them, I don’t do that and with that whip I knew there was no way she would use it on me – at least, not then.
Over the months and then years my thresholds and endurance have moved significantly and starting maybe 18 months ago there was a black shadow in the back of my mind as to the now almost certainty that she would use that whip on me at sometime. An early probing question met with the response: “You’re not ready for that, yet”.
In the meantime as my limits were pushed she introduced the dragon tail. That thing hurt like hell and pushed right against my limits. The black shadow in the mind now asking the increasingly scary question of what does it take to be ready for that snakeskin whip ?
Recent sessions, aided by hypnosis have seen me absorbing and riding pain that would have been unthinkable only a short time ago. The more I sink into it, the more any idea that there is a limit recedes.
At some point in this latest session she used the dragon tail and I didn’t recognise it, I thought it was some small and very stingy single tail – well, I suppose that’s what it actually is. I rather enjoyed it, she’s become adept at getting really loud and impressive cracks and snaps from it and the weird thing is, the more impressive the noise, the less it hurts, it’s barely a caress. Though lay it on with fuller impact and …. well … ouch f*****g ouch.
She added some extra cane work before an agonising sting brought me abruptly out of my reverie. Not outside my ability to process, but a completely different magnitude of stinging pain to anything she’s ever used before. I knew immediately that it had to be the bite of that rattlesnake skin whip. My stomach twisted and churned for second or two before I regained my mental space.
Now I knew why she’d held off all this time. Lash upon lash, rained down. With the cane she can hit her target to within millimetres. The whip is much more difficult to control, the impact area wandered a little and was impossible to judge and prepare for – it just landed and hurt.
She took me deep into the shaking zone, yet I was still riding it, needing it and reveling in the way recent hypnosis has let me enter a state where the mind controls the relaxation of the body, especially the breathing. Probably disconcerting for her because I now make almost no sound, even for the hardest most painful impacts.
She eventually put the whip to one side and inspected her handiwork. I felt an antiseptic wipe clean the wounds and that signifies that she’s done. Only it didn’t. By now I’d come down from the shaking zone, so she started sequencing again with some of the previous implements, working up to the heavy cane. Once more she (carefully) sent me into the shaking zone.
She finished off with the despicable use of two Wartenberg pinwheels. Played across the most sensitive spots she’d just taken lumps out of, it was in it’s strange way the most agonising ending to the session. Which just made her giggle.
Whilst I now rarely feel endorphin overload on the bench I know I can gauge a session by how unstable and incoherent I am straight afterwards. It took me a couple of minutes to even be able to stand up, only to find there was no way I could take any steps in the heels.
There’s a lot to reflect on from this encounter. Never mind other aspects, when it comes to CP as part of D/s the change from 3 years ago regarding limits and ability to absorb pain is astounding. More recent and rapid mental changes that have twisted my psyche in order to float within the pain, aided by hypnosis are quite stark and profound.
And there’s her belief in me that I was finally ready to be challenged by that snake whip. That’s a useful recallibration for me because she’s hardly ever dared use it on a sub – and now I know why. I kind of melted at the quiet triumph she displayed and know that I’ll go much much further.
It also demonstrates a useful lesson. If I’d been asked a year ago if I wanted to know what that snake whip was like, I would have said yes to satisfy my curiosity. I have no doubt I would have failed badly and been hurt, especially mentally, in the process. I could not back then conceive of handling that amount of pain, or that it would be such a great leap from what I knew.
As a final thought, not too long ago I would have seen this as some sort of personal graduation, an achievement to be celebrated and rewarded. Not now. I look on it as more her achievement than mine, though I obviously have a part to play. I no longer have any desire to shout “look at me, see what a good sub I am”. My satisfaction simply comes from knowing her faith in and reading of me was justified and I haven’t let her down.
Now I’ve been bitten by the snake, I feel its sweet poison burning in my veins.
Written for #WickedWednesday 366 prompt of “Twisted”. Why not go check out the other posts by clicking on the button.
Modesty Ablaze (@ablazingmodesty)
June 5, 2019 @ 10:12 pm
To me your most telling sentence is: “My satisfaction simply comes from knowing her faith in and reading of me was justified and I haven’t let her down.”
Xxx – K
June 6, 2019 @ 1:00 am
Thank you, Modesty.
Although it would not be considered a failure if couldn’t take this whip, the fact is that part of why I am able to take it is that I know she wouldn’t attempt it unless she was sure I was ready.
June 5, 2019 @ 10:03 pm
That snake whip is a thing of beauty – i know it would be too much for me but I can still appreciate the look of it and wonder ;-)x
June 6, 2019 @ 12:52 am
Oh, exactly. It’s supposed to be looked at and to generate wonder. It’s meant to haunt the mind. In many ways it’s pure relief just to know the answer to that wonder. xx
June 5, 2019 @ 8:38 pm
This sounds intense. I am glad you and your Mistress continue to see progress.
June 5, 2019 @ 5:44 pm
That last line says it all. I love you account of the CP session, and how you describe your own responses too. Thanks for sharing 🙂
June 5, 2019 @ 5:49 pm
Lovely comment as always, Marie.
Yeah, that last line says that now I’ve gone through that doorway, I’m never going to be able to come back out again.