SwirlingFire: Crazy

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It all started as a throw away comment with a giffage war in DM.  A private nickname.  The style in which it was presented was with good grace and was taken with good grace as, no doubt, I’d done or said something daft.  It happens a lot.  I get the silly giggles and do embarrassing stuff.  Too many things to list but usually involve me tripping up, falling up stairs, falling over, dropping stuff – usually down myself if wearing white clothing, not following a conversation then asking something daft, being the 1 in 100 that sees a situation from a totally different view to the masses at work, and finding a workable solution to improve systems for everybody, I could go on in detail, but it’s not important.  

When people say things, in private, to mutually tease then it’s really funny.  Especially when I can fling similar nicknames back.

Perceptions can go massively awry when nicknames and private jokes are shared in public.  Although intended in a humorous way, my tummy lurches and flips.  ‘In jokes’ are best kept that way.  For the chosen few, not for the great unwashed masses.

Whilst I acknowledge I’ve more than had my fair share of ‘bad luck’ in life, it’s still very stigmatising for those ‘out of the loop’ to view the private goings on, inside.

I’ve been judged, critiqued, bullied, harassed and humiliated by bigoted liars with an army of fawning followers that are enablers for a handful of names, for fear of being chastised and thrown out of the protective nook.

It’s difficult to understand whom, in fact, is the crazy one ?

Me, for sharing unpalatable life experiences without agenda ?

The fawners who are thoughtless lemmings ?   Jumping over the cliff edge, looking for acceptance from a handful of Billy and Betty Big Bollocks ?  Desperately needed acknowledgement and to bask in the golden streams of micturition (no KS) because you’re really considered not good enough to hang with the real pack members, but you boost their egocentrism.

The way we all RT or post super positive memes, professional studies, weighty blogs by one another is truly staggering.  Especially when they are accompanied with words of support for those experiencing any form of mental health, especially the kind that fall outside your accepted and desirable state of ‘the afflicted’ you claim to support.  There are so many people like this that have pre-judged and harassed me, especially once I’d figured out I’d been manipulated for years by one of your own.

What was it about me that ruffled so many feathers ?

My inability to express myself ?

My refusal to name your loved one ?

Or was it the reality that, through the ways many of you pretend to be a mere pastiche of the great person that you’re really not ? 

Was I striking your reality and nerves with a heavy sledge hammer ?  Right into that comfortable sweet spot of non consensual d/s ? 

What was it that riled so many of you, denounced me as a liar, a fantasist, a nut job ?

Even as recently as a week ago, a now rare ranty tweet into the void for me, I found a response to me that was taken personally by another, revving up to attack me. 

If my tweeting causes you offence then look inside yourself for your own truth.  Why do you feel so strongly towards a stranger discovering and learning to accept their past ?

Why are many of you very fast to judge me ?

I challenge you to judge yourselves with the ruthless voracity that you quickly arbitrate and pronounce sentence on me.  A stranger.

Don’t make me your scapegoat.  It’s so much easier to judge me than taking accountability for yourself ?

Look in the mirror at yourself !


If I make you feel uncomfortable then this is your reason to examine.  Not make it an opportunity to challenge me.  A stranger.

Challenge Yourself !

So, who is the crazy one ? 

The pathetic victim of multiple rapes ?

The “supportive” all inclusive encompasser ?

The Galahad ?

Is it YOU ?


Swirlingfire: A Posting History

@Swirlingfire, 8 July 2019

Written for the #F4TFriday prompt 106 of Crazy.
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