SwirlingFire: his Coffee
his Coffee
Choice
Selection
My favourite colour pod
Auto reflex
Inhale
Deeply
Deeper still
That first hit
Catching thoughts
Eyes close with memories
A tiny jiggle
Click
Snapping open
Sigh
Standing silently
The shiver of goosebumps
chilly kitchen
Click
Pod drops
Whoosh
Aromatic filtered steam
Another deep inhalation
Little lights blinking
Press
Type
Scroll
Press to open
Scan words
in a sentence
unfolding
Invisible
Undesirable
Unwanted
Bored of me
So soon?
My disbelief
Dumbstruck
My own silence
Acknowledgments
cause pain
My pain
The unwelcome kind
It happened before
“I wish!!!!! Alone in a huge bed ,) “
Reading his words
I Gently probe
red marks
Perfectly aligned
cane stripes
Still Stinging
My fingers
gently brush
Raised throbbing welts
Palpating
Last nights bruising
Smarting
Flushed
Humiliated
Confused
Making coffee
Downstairs
In his kitchen
For the one
That basks
in his Kingdom
Whilst he targets
the next batch
of warm bodies
Stab of nausea
“Don’t fall for me”
Ringing in my head
The red flags
Invisible
Rose coloured glasses
Another deep breath
That delicious aromatic coffee
Transporting thoughts
Purposefully omitting sugar
Warming milk
“Not too hot, understand??”
My protector
My confidante
My mentor
My teacher
My guide
My fairweather lover
“I’m poly,” he snapped
“…This is not A relationship,
You don’t have a dynamic with me
Grow up!!!!…”
No one to ask
Is this what it’s meant to be?
Poly means he doesn’t care
Casual
No strings attached
Except
When I sense his lies
Investing his time
Training me
“You, You’re such a natural submissive”
I glow
I must be grateful
Stomach cramps
Stabbing pains
Supported against the counter top
Deep breath
Allow calm to descend
Lifting his favourite mug
he hid the mug I gifted for Christmas
In the furthest cupboard
At the back
I pulled it to the front
The reminder
I once existed
When he smiled
When his eyes smiled too
Searching for
My Balance
My charm
Stocking clad shapely legs
Steep stairs
Very high heels
A slow
Swagger back
To my place
Collared and chained
To his bed
Smiling
Arms extended
Offering up myself
Bestowing the desired nectar
Accepted
My Thoughts
recalling
My reply
Our flirting
Years before
“…If we’re casual
I don’t swallow,
I spit…”
#365Words
@SwirlingFire 29 August 2019
October 1, 2020 @ 3:20 pm
I love how you kept coffee as the red thread through this, but cringe at how he has hurt you; how you have been used 🙁
~ Marie
October 1, 2020 @ 4:08 pm
I cringe reading back old SMS and DM I shared with him and not realising how dangerously rapey he still is.
Apparently feeling this way is a positive sign of moving forward….?
I don’t have any formal writing training do I’ll have to Google “red thread” reference.
I’m so pleased you enjoyed this short piece
Hugs
Swirly x
October 1, 2020 @ 8:37 am
Goodness that was a journey. Brilliantly done. Love the coffee theme
October 1, 2020 @ 4:02 pm
Thank you May
I’ve never once felt guilty for that little act of rebellion….