SwirlingFire: 365 x2

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SwirlingFire

365 x2

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Two years – no direct contact.

I’ve become so attuned to “walking on eggshells” that my regular daily phrasing and pausing before responding has become very measured and calm.  My brain swirls whilst calculating perceived levels of threat.

I try to not react to information.  Recently I’ve chosen to mute/unfollow angry, violent, judgemental, abusive, damaged people.

I remind myself to apply therapy lessons, adjusting from automatic old thought patterns that protected me from agenda ridden drama seekers.  I’ll still make mistakes as I improve my communication skills.

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I still journal, not daily, no longer task led d/s manipulation (to find more sticks of dynamite to destroy me) nor Therapy workbook.

The life coaching course I was mid-way through cancelled, due to Covid-19 pandemic. I’ve had to learn to become more self reliant during enforced solitude.  Government “house arrest” arrived following compromised health for me at the start of the year.  Lockdown was actually a safety net from socialising with those I now feel need cutting loose.  I feel I have achieved a great job in the past, holding people at arms length, my social circle is now just a small square of a few trusted people.

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Throughout the last 730 days, #FlakyFriend2 has shown themselves to be a dependable, supportive person.  They’ve turned to me as their source of strength for years.  I never had anyone.  They’re the only person IRL knowing some of my trauma plus a considerable amount of information regarding mindWizard.

My three most valued TwitterPals have propelled me forward, not losing my resolve to weaken with the temptation to respond to (second and third level contact, last attempt 19 Aug) messages from mindWizard.  Their support was often tough love and a potential swift kick up the backside driving me forward.

When safe to travel, I’m looking forward to fixing up face to face visits and a well deserved drink or three.

As I move through the remaining half 2020, I’m hoping to regain real levels of self confidence/esteem that real life people assume I already possess in bucket loads.  Being able to feel safe whilst outdoors will also be a massive weight finally lifted from my shoulders.

#365Words

Thank You for Reading.  This is blog #100.

Swirlingfire: A Posting History

@Swirlingfire, 21 August 2020

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