SwirlingFire: Twitter Changed My Life …

By | February 4, 2019
Reading Time: 6 minutes



I’ve actually explored this topic before.  My launch as SwirlingFire was literally a baptism by fire.

Reproduced with permission

I’d not learnt to use my voice.  I’d become a passive mute when it mattered.  When I started to speak it was a lava flow of frustration, hurt, anger, sadness, self realisation, unknown grief and too many memories of trauma returning too fast to process.  No safe place to figure things out.  I was intermittently “involved” with a man in the real world.  Unfortunately, encouraging me to talk to find my weaknesses and insecurities to use the information to create fresh emotional and mental injury for his own dark ego.  Non consensual d/s.  That has harmed me far more than anything else.  I would, if I were forced to choose, opt for another violent physical assault than to endure false unsafe sanctuary of a MindWizard.  It’s seriously clouded my view of the kink community.  Which ironically is mostly via Social media contact.  I try to attend a monthly local munch when work permits.  A very supportive group of people they are too.

Self silenced for decades – I won’t bore you all with the reasons why again.  Some reasons are in my early posts.  I think it’s interesting to revisit the prompt from a newer perspective.  Whilst my views have changed as a whole, for those I’ve previously crossed timelines with they’re the people that have given me pause for thought and a yard stick of how I must evolve for the better.

Those thoughts of others and my Self now neatly correspond with my current Psychology course work.



Social Cues .

How we are perceived, how we think we are and the reality somewhere teetering in the balance whilst we pride ourselves on ‘not being like that!’ ?

I’m doing my best to improve myself and Self as a whole.  It’s a lot harder than one would think.  I see so many people miraculously have an online epiphany.  So often, when chatting, it’s only a change of timeline vocabulary.  The behaviour and actions have not changed.  It’s a tricky knife edge trying to learn from ‘real’ people than a general website for BDSM and d/s.  Although one brilliant one with a real life D/s partnership @SoutherSirsPl and @kaylaLords and their site @lovingbdsm very supportive and great advice when Swirly first landed.

Expressing myself on social media has caused me to step away more than engage nowadays.

So many questions I would dearly want to ask but not being able to – firstly for not correctly phrasing a real interest and understanding of other’s sexual experimental / lifestyles and not being intentionally inappropriate / nosey.  Secondly when I’ve asked in the past I’ve been obviously fobbed off with a text book cold response and then subtweeted.  That felt embarrassing, hurtful and unnecessary.  Counterclaiming what a wonderful person they are to guide & offer advice.  The knowledge of being gossiped about without redress is frustrating. I’ve lost respect for those people. It’s how we learn.  By example?

The kink community prides itself on acceptance and being welcoming. It says it offers guidance support education and understanding. This is only true if one agrees with their way being the right way – to ask questions or incorrectly phrase and pose another view is considered as offensive and earns a soft block and then childish playground bully behaviour.

If we don’t openly encourage newbies to reach out for help in times of distress does that make us complicit in their abuse ??

Everyone wants to know who – I think time will finally expose offenders.  Those abused that have the support network can ‘out’ those monsters.  I’m already ostracised from many circles.  50% responsible for my own poor expression.  On this point I have learnt to take pride in some of my silences.   (‘My Editor’ is extremely patient and supportive to steer me away from old habits.)

I’m not against people expressing themselves any way they wish.  In words or pictures.  If one posts something on an open account and don’t wish to further discuss it then politely decline.

Although it’s free speech etc, posting certain topics and images, should IMO have a TW/CW.  Before I was writing I found triggers and distress at unusual irregular things that caused memory flashbacks.  The weirdest of haunting reminders that could not have been pre-warned.  To be fair to those I consider ‘responsible/caring bloggers’ I didn’t know those triggers existed either. For triggers to be a source of entertainment for followers to laugh and joke about others pain speaks volumes.

It’s not always easy to know when to apply CW.  I try where possible.  It is a tricky call.  I do it because I’m considerate of others and not because I consider myself too cool to ignore the burden of someone’s fresh suffering.  

It’s a personal responsibility for those that follow in our footsteps ?  Social media exposes us to the unsavoury characteristics of people we’d never have in our social circles in real life.  Online we can only form our opinions by the cavalier responses we see ?  Each to their own I guess ?  Whomever we’re pretending to be online is not necessarily the real character behind the screen name.  Opposites to what we see and read runs in both directions


We think we’re a certain personality.  The written word is up for interpretation.  Often not the way intended.

I’ve now learnt to be more mindful of my phrasing.  IRL, with the facial expressions, to reinforce timbre and my giggling – I’m considered very quick witted, funny, dry humoured, sarcastic, kindly teasing and good company & it’s rarely misinterpreted.  I know my audience.  If I’m displeased with someone.  They will know.  First hand.  There is never a grey area in that respect.  There is no room for misinterpretation.  On social media,  passive aggressive ways are more frequently engaged and possibly subconsciously favoured. I’ve been subconsciously guilty of this.  I’m aware now.  Keyboard warriors – those  brave little soldiers never accepting accountability, responsibility or damage to another as operating from a position of partial anonymity then distancing from words that are vicious weapons leaving lasting invisible scars of a good public kicking.

In reality, on social media, it’s quite the opposite.  Womansplaining is rife to the point of nastiness.  In my experience. I’m now quite hesitant to engage with some people.

I could cite many examples, however it would be inappropriate to reveal @ names and screen shot private comments

We learn by asking questions.  I’ve made many mistakes.  I’ve accepted my part and I’ve apologised when and where possible.  It’s not made a difference where others still maintain their initial low opinions of me

It has, however, changed me.  If we don’t learn from the classroom that is social media then should we allow ourselves to use it. ??

Always being the self righteous belligerent person is not considered evolving growth, it leaves one appearing as though they’re a grumpy obstinate selfish old git.

There are a lot of sick people in the world.  Many unaware.

Where I’ve learnt my lesson I try my best to remember not to respond in certain ways.

Social media leads some to take everything as truth/factual/definitive.  It’s never that black and white.  Everything is subjective and, with permission, up for friendly educational debate.  It’s worth asking a few questions, it’s how we learn.

Some people are extremely sensitive to phrases that don’t resonate for them or reflect their own experiences and take offence when it’s not even about them.

Despite all the negative experiences I’ve been subjected to in the past due to others #gaslighting, plus those I’ve encountered as “SwirlingFire” – for the most part there are very distinctive groups of those that are genuine and those that are free to be whomever they choose to portray.  I’m working hard on myself to let go of past betrayals and online hurt and not let those people sap my energy.  It’s very difficult to unlearn tried and well tested self protection strategies.

Despite all the imbalances to date (IRL & social media) I’m working hard to be more discerning with whom I engage in real conversation.  Not everyone on social media is how they really are in other settings.  Many are fooled by online public personas.  I’ve now realised that time is the best Mistress of proof.

I am now learning everything about being an adult, adult relationships and adult conversations.  It’s much harder than I anticipated.

l’m very curious to learn how to navigate through any potential new friendships which by nature may one day become real life in the flesh friendships, meeting up and socialising.  In addition, one day finding someone that may, in time, become physical, genuine and romantically loving and sexual.  I won’t hold my breath for that.  I’m attempting to be realistically hopeful for a happier future.

Social Media can be the warmest of welcoming bedfellows when one is isolated and lonely – the trick is to balance the good and genuine people against the strutting peacocks and learn to recognise the two whilst keeping part of yourself private.


Swirlingfire: A Posting History

@Swirlingfire, 26 January 2019

Written for the #WickedWednesday meme of “Social Media”.  Why not go check out the other posts by clicking on the button.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

9 thoughts on “SwirlingFire: Twitter Changed My Life …

  1. Kayla Lords

    Becoming “Kayla Lords” (as that’s definitely not my legal name) felt more real to me than the person I am in the vanilla world. So much so that I choose not to maintain any of my non-sex/non-Kayla social media accounts or blogs because they feel stifling, like there’s a part of myself I can’t be. Sure, I may not share every detail on Twitter or even in my own blog (though that probably seems unlikely considering how much I *do* share) but I am more myself online as Kayla than I am in the “real” world under my legal name. Though, I’m finding ways to merge the two so I can have that real feeling everywhere I go, which is nice, too.

    While I’m well aware that people are faking it for the likes or putting on a persona of who they THINK they should be, it still always surprises me when I discover it. It takes so much energy to be someone you’re not, and it seems to me that being myself is the best (and easiest) course of action.

    This line…”the trick is to balance the good and genuine people against the strutting peacocks and learn to recognise the two whilst keeping part of yourself private.” is difficult but very important.

    1. SwirlingFire

      Thank you to both you and your husband for being such fantastic role models
      Thankyou for taking the time to read and comment.
      I’ll eventually learn to present info without selling my soul

      Swirly 🌻💕

  2. Pingback: [#SoSS] Sexy Sharing & Awesome Announcement! - FlossDoesLife

  3. SwirlingFire

    Hello JL
    Thank you for your time and comment.
    There are days I’m glad #Mothership doesn’t leave the house much to repeat things I hear her say lately🙈

    Swirly 🌻

  4. JL Peridot

    Stumbled in here from this week’s Wicked Wednesday. Really feeling you on the “adult conversations are hard” thing. It scares me a little thinking of how my parents’ generation have taken to social media. Not having spent formative years with this technology and media, would they be even more sensitive than people in our generation, or would experience and wisdom have ‘pre-hardened’ them against the bad stuff? Thank you for sharing your thoughts so honestly. They’re food for thought.

  5. Posy Churchgate

    I hope I am a ‘what you see is what you get’ person, although I do try to maintain a little anonymity for my on-line persona. I find you a very intriguing person, and I think it’s nice that You and I have come to know each other gradually.

    I am sorry you have had such bad interactions on social media. I admit that when something negative or chastising is aimed at me, it feels as if I have had my fingers caught in a mousetrap – it very much trains to be more cautious and reserved.

    Take care Swirly, I think you (with a steering hand from your ‘Editor’) are in the main carving a recovery from expressing yourself with words and getting feedback from like-minded readers.

  6. Marie Rebelle

    I totally agree, social media can be either: very warm and inviting, or cold and lonely. I have experienced some really bad things in my early days of Twitter, which many times made me wonder whether I should stop with it, but I never did. I became ‘harderr’ blocking those who are mean, even if not to me. I am myself online, or as much as I can be myself in the written word. I think just trying to be oneself, not pretending to be someone else can go a long way to make you feel ‘real’ to others. And, in my opinion, it takes very little to be kind to others online. Just weighing words, and checking what you have written before hitting send can go a long way.

    Thanks for your thoughts on social media, and for making me get to know you better 🙂

    Rebel xox

    1. Swirly

      Once again Rebel your words intrigue and inspire me. Helping me to keep wading forwards.

      I cannot begin to imagine how life has been for you however, I sense deep warmth and a resonance with empathy and u understanding where it really counts.

      Sending both you and your M future good health and happiness

      Best wishes.
      Swirly 🌻


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