Who Do You Think I Am ?
That’s probably not the question you might think it is.
What people see is in the eye of the beholder and over the years I have had some fascinating conversations and insights as to what people think they see in melody.
You come here, you see me on places such as Twitter and you see the name melody. If you only know me online, then the suspension of disbelief is relatively easy. The pictures provide easy misdirection because intellectually you know I’m male. Yet the likelihood is that you take what you see on the screen at face value and take the easy path of pandering to that online persona and interact with it primarily as female.
People, especially females, have generally interacted this way with me for a considerable time; at least 20 years. When I initially heard it explained, I was very surprised and assumed it was a one off. Then I heard it a few more times and had to accept that melody or whatever she was called back then had to be something deeper and natural inside me. It’s been a long and slow journey since that acceptance.
So what about those that know me in real life ? Is it just an online persona playing on people’s sensitivities ?
I don’t wake up and say ‘today I’m going to project male’. I only project “me”, who I am in the moment. Undeniably that projection has moved increasingly towards the female over recent times.
Real life shows that males and females react differently. Stereotypically, males don’t see anything unusual, despite what amounts to being at least a fairly androgynous look. Perhaps there are some second glances, but no further curious inspections.
Encounters with females are fascinating, even if they might be a little fraught, especially vanilla encounters.
Women can pick up on the slightest clues. I now see the process in action, they start staring at my fingers, the way I shape my hands is increasingly feminine. Then I can see the glint in their eyes as they spot the clear polish on the long nails. Then a further inspection will take in slightly feminine clothes and jewellery.
Here at work, women from the other offices will rapidly spot that I’m wearing high heeled boots. And then I’ll spot their surreptitious glances to take in the other aspects that blur the gender image.
For all these cases, they ‘know’, even if it’s only sub-consciously that they are interacting with melody.
The response from real life encounters with females who know melody used to really throw me until I finally accepted what they were telling me. That they never perceived me as male in anyway. And that this was true whether I was dressed or not.
The former mistress told me that she knew at first glance that I was female and that’s what I was to her. I considered it, if not a joke, a pandering to ‘sissy’ stereotypes. It probably took me 10 years to really appreciate what she was telling me.
The view from the eye of the beholder is especially harsh in that at times it throws you in to the bright arclight of the unvarnished truth.
December 16, 2018 @ 10:04 am
This is interesting, and I like what Swirly has written because my own response is ditto! Also I want to see you as female and embrace all those elements because I suspect/hope it makes you feel more whole to be accepted for your inner self. Anyway – friend, adviser, sometime confidant, that’s who you are to me. ‘Sister’ united in our overlap of interests.
December 16, 2018 @ 10:18 am
You’ve been nothing but truly supportive and I always appreciate your words.
I’m not sure if I was a little fragile when I wrote it, but I have always been curious as to what others see. Especially when I wasn’t letting melody out of her box, others still managed to see her. Even now, I can sometimes struggle with how real she is – and always was.
December 7, 2018 @ 3:19 pm
I appreciate all your facets.
Shine brightly 😘