Emotional Content

That’s part of a famous line uttered by Bruce Lee in Enter the Dragon.

If there’s one thing that makes melody easier to identify in the swings and roundabouts of daily life it is in the expression of emotions.

Emotion and me have had a rocky relationship over the years.  We kind of gave up on each other and became only nodding acquaintances for the longest time.

As small children we believe we’re the centre of the universe, throw that universe upside down and there’s liable to be emotional incontinence.  Learning to erect the protective barriers takes time and seemingly the longer it takes the more rigid and impenetrable those barriers eventually become.

The amalgamated me is in constant flux between him <–> her and is gently sliding in her direction after decades of being almost entirely him.  Mostly I don’t notice this flux but when I do it is because of emotions.  For him, the conduits of emotion have been designed like the grounding to earth of a lightening rod – efficient leakage back to the natural ground state.  So when emotions touch my conscious it means that they belong to melody and that whilst they exist she is definitely running the amalgamated me.  That’s not to say that she isn’t in charge at other times, only that the signals are less obvious.

The jump start to at least part of me becoming an emotional being was the start of the brainwashing sessions a year ago.  I’m sure that the normal hypnosis sessions had laid groundwork and over a long time would have created similar effects, albeit more subtly and gently.

It’s easy to see the brainwashing sessions as something just in the moment.  The sensory deprivation and the physical challenges as well as the mental pounding are all too easy to consider as a single contained event.  A caning might be considered a single contained event, too.  However, bruises and welts created at the event have a life of their own over subsequent days until they are subsumed in to the healed flesh.

And that’s about the best physical analogy I can spin for the mental processes after a brainwashing session.  It may well be fair to say that it creates mental and psychological bruises that need to be subsumed and healed.

The way these mental bruises initially manifested was by unleashing the restraints on melody and pumping her full of emotions.  The first time was frightening in the intensity of all those emotions and unlike for him, there is no ground to earth.  She revelled in being set free but was far from being in control of those emotions.  The energy required to maintain those levels of emotional intensity is enormous and after three or four days it ran out and melody was able to relinquish sole control.

Subsequent brainwashing sessions have been characterised by less intense versions of this effect.  I’ve learned how I react, I know better what to expect.  But at some point each has precipitated melody being in control and confronting emotions, learning to control them.

I was a bit puzzled when I saw none of this manifest from the last brainwashing session – I should have known better.  This journey is not just about me evolving, the domme evolves too in her understanding of how she can make me tick.  So the delayed surprise came after the follow up normal hypnosis session.

Suddenly I was alive to being full of emotions, all sorts of impregnable barriers crumbling like sand.  All of it controllable to the extent that there was no runaway effect and the energy expended was nothing out of the ordinary.  It was a bit out of left field to see that melody had asserted control of the amalgamated me and was now able to guide us through the emotional bubbles that kept surfacing.  In previous instances she’d taken full control of our entity and only given it back when there was no more energy to maintain the emotions.  This time, although in control she didn’t disregard him and accommodated him in a similar way to how he learned to accommodate her.

This state of almost peace between him and her had some more surprises.  The emotional energies were positive and didn’t naturally decay.  Some three weeks later they feel to have diminished slightly, though this is partly due to a new familiarity and I can find and identify the remnants of those emotions if I rummage deep enough.

The big surprise was something it has taken weeks to process and will probably take months to fully understand.  In this state of melody being in charge and comfortably handling the emotions she grew at a vast rate into a more fully rounded and self-confident person.  She stepped out in environments that should have caused fear and panic, yet swam through them with aplomb and serenity.  In fact it was this aspect that actually highlighted that melody was properly in control again and she’d done it without fuss and upheaval.

This most definitely is the signal for future developments.  Emotion is the key to freeing melody.  Emotional content is what inspires her to grow, especially when it’s triggered by the sub-conscious.