Being the flippant bugger I am, that question brings to mind the Bill Hicks Waffle House routine.
I was in Nashville, Tennessee last year. After the show I went to a Waffle House. I’m not proud of it, I was hungry. And I’m alone, I’m eating and I’m reading a book, right? Waitress walks over to me: ‘Hey, whatcha readin’ for?’ Isn’t that the weirdest fuckin’ question you’ve ever heard? Not what am I reading, but what am I reading FOR? Well, goddamnit, ya stumped me! Why do I read? Well . . . hmmm…I dunno…I guess I read for a lot of reasons and the main one is so I don’t end up being a fuckin’ waffle waitress.
I’ve found over the years that writing has helped me process my thoughts on D/s. When I’ve been in a D/s relationship I’ve become used to writing. That’s partly because I’ve been expected to write some form of regular journal.
That’s been good writing discipline, though I have to admit that early content was quite puerile and self-obsessed – first experiences of actual chastity really do bring out the worst in a sub, I think the brains rot until he can stop thinking about the denied orgasm he thinks he so desperately needs.
This writing form has evolved over the years as my understanding grows of who I am and how I relate to the other in the D/s dynamic.
Most particularly in the last couple of years I’ve had to be much more analytical in approach. In practising hypnosis what I write has to be informative and largely dispassionate. The feedback she gets from me serves twofold. Firstly, it helps her assess how effective something is. More importantly it’s my protection mechanism, we both need to know that I’m handling the hypnosis.
This adaptation of style and content is very much based on me learning so much about who I am, what makes me tick. Discovering and reporting the variances in mental state that were ignored or unnoticeable for decades.
Being asked to write some guest posts was an eye opener. I found I had something to say about who I am and just about enough confidence to go ahead and say it. The opportunity came when melody was fighting hard to be heard on equal or stronger footing than the male – and she fought dirty.
Those first posts were totally melody’s work. They were part of her liberation struggle and she discovered that she had a lot more to say and needed a place to say it.
This blog is primarily written by melody with some contribution and insights from the male. You might say that the reason behind this blog is that melody refuses to go quietly in to the night, it’s her statement of intent that she’s here to stay.
Who do I write for ?
I write for me, melody. Very scary at first to open up and put stuff out there, very personal stuff. Stuff that I can’t discuss with those close to me, yet is somehow alright for dozens of anonymous readers. With some encouragement and fortunately no flames, there is confidence now to write what I want to because I’m writing simply for me.
I have no target audience. There’s some nice people I’ve talked to as a result of blogging and sometimes they spark an idea, but the resultant writing is still for me. Or maybe it’s not quite as selfish as that, there’s a definite sense of throwing pieces out in to the ether to say “Here I am. Got a problem with that ?”
You might ask if I write here for my domme ? Not to any great degree. I did worry about those first posts and what she might think. If she’d intervened back then this blog would probably have taken a different direction and may not have survived. It took her a while, but I know she reads some, if not most, posts. So yes, some of those posts may have a sub-text that expands on things we’ve discussed elsewhere. Beyond that, nothing is specifically for her, or at her instigation.
She has this unusual approach with me that can be summed up in one word: freedom. It’s taken me a long time to accept that there’s no catch. The blog has become an expression of that freedom to say what I want, to express who and what melody is.
I’ve refrained from fiction on here. It’s not a writing form I’ve ever been any good at. But perhaps there’s a challenge to consider.