Endorphin Rush

Content Warning

• Pictures of needle play

It’s not everyone’s cup of tea and less than two years ago it wouldn’t have been mine, either.  In fact, it was something of a hard limit.

I’ve come to very much enjoy needle play, it speaks to a part of my submission where I have to be both in control of myself and at the same time relax as much as I can to her control.  It’s the same dilemma as when she doesn’t cuff me for CP.  The decision to override instincts when the needles pierce the skin and to control those impulses by forcing the body to relax.

This was only the third needle session and there’s been a major jump in intensity each time.

Someone sticking needles in you releases endorphins.  They can catch you unawares.  If someone is beating you with a cane, the endorphin source is obvious and it’s accompanied, even associated, with the pain.  Apart from a sting when a needle is inserted, there is no pain (users of large needles might beg to differ).  Yet each insertion releases endorphins and the effect is cumulative.

It’s very weird to suddenly realise that you have a massive endorphin rush without a source of pain behind it.  Certainly this was what happened to me last time as she went beyond the level of the first ever needle introduction and demonstration.

She pushes me, always pushes me, to achieve more, do better, ride the experience.

The previous time, she indulged in light impact play before the needles.  Just enough to get me warm but very careful not to trigger any real rush of endorphins, that made my experience of the needles generating the endorphins quite a pure one.  It also took me right to the limit of being overwhelmed by the chemical soup being generated inside me.

This time, the impact play was much harder, just shy of becoming heavy.  I was quite wobbly getting up from the spanking bench before going to lay down on the table.

I think this is so much about different moods, different feelings, different thresholds.

She took her time creating a wonderful pattern with the needles, all 106 of them.

Yet I didn’t feel the flood of endorphins creating the nausea that indicates a body and mind about to over commit.  The total experience of the impact followed by significantly more needles than previously, meant that I was in the grip of a thick chemical soup, and yet I was riding it.  Not overwhelmed as I had been before.

When she’d removed the needles and I slowly arose, the effects of the endorphins were very apparent.  I may not have felt overwhelmed whilst laying on the bench, but sitting up was hard and I was too unstable to stand for quite a while.

It’s fascinating contemplating the different ways she can take me apart, render me hors de combat in a planned and deliberate fashion.

One very interesting aspect of the session was when I was on the spanking bench, she asked if I’d brought some sweets with me ?  Sweets are something I have with me if the type of session is potentially very draining, this most usually applies to the brainwashing sessions.

Only when I realised the next activity was needle play did this comment play on my mind.  I knew how last time I came close to being over-committed and the warm up then was barely 10% of what she’d just done.  Coupled with the fact that I knew she’d use far more needles than before.  Her seemingly throw away comment about sweets had been in deadly earnest.

The implications went around my mind.  In planning the activity for the session she had considered that it might cause my mind and body to over-commit and she was still going to go there.  Parsing that information through the filter of RACK, I understood what she was doing and what a compliment it was.  So, before anyone worries on my behalf, I knew I had every opportunity to call a halt.

So far there’s been a line when it comes to play, one she’ll stop short of.  This was the first time she was going to let us explore the edge of that line with the prospect of going over it a distinct possibility.

The other ramification is that this can only be the first time, there will be other times – possibly almost every time.  And that was the unspoken message, make sure I always have a sugar source close to hand in future.

Dangerous ?  Possibly, but she has 3 years of analysing every reaction of mine, she knows the inside of my mind in a very detailed and unique way.  She wouldn’t go anywhere near this if she wasn’t sure of the risks and my ability to cope.

As for me ?  That edge is fascinating, to be dangled ever closer to it and never certain that she won’t take me over it.  Deliciously appealing to the blacker desires inside me.