Continuing with this occasional series, I thought I’d touch on one of my strange perceptions from within the tranced state.
It’s coming up to three years since I started hypnosis with my domme and boy have we come a long way. However, I still find myself with thoughts when inside trance that I had for that very first session.
In essence it’s the nagging doubt that I’m in trance at all. Expecting that to actually be in trance requires some sort of mental shutdown or oblivion such that upon coming out of trance there’s something definitive to point to to say “I was in trance”.
The reason that there can be these doubts is that for me reaching in to trance decouples the conscious and subconscious. The subconscious focuses intensely on the hypnotic words and the suggestions from the domme, even focusing on tone and timbre of the delivery. On the other hand, the conscious mind just freewheels like a revving engine out of gear. More often than not, the conscious mind is in some sort of hyper active reality when in trance. This is about as far as you can get from the assumed stereotype of being asleep and oblivious. Yet this has to be understood as me being in deep trance – I know it’s true and yet I often feel that it shouldn’t be true, like I’m missing out on something magically desirable such as the bliss of oblivion.
I had more than enough time to ponder on this during the week when I had another brainwashing session. We’ve evolved this so that she now performs an induction before placing the headphones on me and leaving me to cook for the best part of eight hours. I’m in a tranced state before the recorded loop starts.
The subconscious does the same as for a normal session, it focuses intensely on every single word. The loop just repeats, there’s no end, so there’s no let up in that intense focus and it becomes incredibly draining and energy sapping.
The conscious freewheels and also has no let up. As time passes this spinning can go faster and faster leading to the conscious mind becoming very tired. Indeed, there inside the sleepsack I was praying to find that ‘oblivion switch’. To be able to touch it and to have the conscious mind fall asleep. It doesn’t exist, at least not for me. Inside trance the subconscious is the primary in charge and it is too intently focused to allow for the wishes of the conscious.
Keep this combination going for several hours and the mental stresses build, the session becomes the test of endurance it’s meant to be. When we have a CP session she will test my endurance right up to the point of my limits. That is, her idea of my limits, not my idea of them. If that sounds controversial, she’s invariably correct and the difference is where the submissive desires to endure can get tested right up to breaking point. It’s not really any different with a brainwashing session, except that the limit is much harder to ascertain and understand. The last few hours as the different mental and physical stresses build is meant to be an endurance, it’s meant to be exhausting. It’s meant to cleanse the soul.
Mentally reaching out in the vain hope of finding the “oblivion switch” is just another aspect of the mind fuck experience.
Why do this ?
Well, just like with CP there’s the exhilaration in the accomplishment of enduring and surviving intact under her ministrations.
And this time, her first words after counting me out at the end were that she was very impressed that I’d gone the full eight hours. Having just listened to a loop encouraging deeper submission to her, words like that mean I can’t wait for the next time in a couple of months – and yes, I will no doubt once again be wishing I could find the oblivion switch.
Previous posts in this series