[F4TFriday] I Write
For work I’ve written dry technical documents for far too many years. It’s a feature of the tech world that when someone has spent long enough at the coal face such that they’re quite valuable in that role, they get set to writing documents and specifications about it. The ability to spell and use grammar dooms you to never going back to the really interesting stuff.
On a personal level I’ve maintained a low level of writing for many years. Be it a weekly diary / journal for my mistress to read my thoughts, a LiveJournal page for similar reasons that garnered about 40 views in its lifetime. I wrote a few pieces posted on Informed Consent and on FetLife. The odd thing about those posts was that I wanted them public and linked to me, yet unlikely to attract attention – I succeeded.
That’s the aspect that’s always held me back, I’ve never liked public attention, I am a natural introvert.
I’ve written elsewhere about the genesis of this blog and how it coincided with the first time that melody took absolute control. Not related incidents, fortuitous though.
Having been encouraged to write my first posts I allowed myself to see that I had a fuller story to tell about my winding road through D/s. I assumed it had a natural end and a limited lifetime of posts. I never thought that the blog would see more than a handful of posts and envisaged that it would become latent as I wracked my brain for something fresh to write about.
The stirrings of melody as a real persona capable of operating as herself is what changed that. She’s not an extrovert and doesn’t particularly seek public attention, yet unlike ‘him’ she won’t shy away from it here. She’s capable of standing up and being proud. And she can be quite ‘gobby’.
She’s ever evolving and growing. Parts of the blog have become a documentary about how I feel when I discover new aspects of the ever changing me. The person I write this for, is ME. What started as a relatively impersonal and dry retelling of past events has morphed into something rather more intimate and revealing. This mirrors how my confidence in being melody has grown. The fear of ridicule, shame or embarrassment in laying out feelings and emotions in public much reduced.
I never expected anyone else to read it and I still don’t. I am grateful and humbled that you do read it, that there’s a group of people who have invested in what I write and have provided support and friendship because of it. So, whilst I write for me, it is also true that without that friendship and support I would not write half as much as I do.
Another main topic on this blog is my activities and thoughts on D/s. Without doubt my domme could have killed the blog in it’s earliest days by objecting to posts that referenced activities with her. We can thank her for her hands off approach that I gained the confidence to be able to write about D/s in the present as opposed to just in the past. She led me to understand that she had no time to read and was indifferent to what I wrote and that freed me from agonising over every sentence in case I said the wrong thing. You read my D/s type posts and she’s quite abstract in them. I’m really grateful she knew how to give me that freedom.
I write, and sometimes I do have a target audience – my domme.
Sometimes things bubble for a long time or need far more words than an email, or more structure than a conversation. Sometimes there are topics which are too awkward for the introvert to broach directly. I can write a post with her as the audience in mind – and very oddly, it doesn’t matter if she reads it or not. That initial hands off from her means I’m not seeking her attention from a post, I’ve said what I needed to say and that’s what counts.
And you know what ? Yeah, she does read the blog 🤣😜
I write because you can’t separate melody from the D/s. I write to explore how they intertwine, how submission and pain interact with hypnosis and the growing facets, even struggles, of being melody.
Never mind running out of things to write about.
At the time of writing I’ve published around 180 posts (there’s almost another 60 from Swirly). I’m astounded when I look at that figure.
I write because it gives expression to things I would otherwise have never discussed.
I write to slowly put the pieces of the jigsaw back together after someone knocked the almost completed puzzle off the table and onto the floor. And as I put them back together I find it’s a completely different picture.
I write because somewhere along the way I have accumulated a set of friends who have confounded me by being interested in not just what I write, but also me.
September 1, 2019 @ 10:06 pm
I think it’s important to make yourself your main audience. You gain an outside audience as you go along though. The level of support is amazing too. I’m glad you’ve shared yourself.
September 2, 2019 @ 9:09 am
Thank you, Cara. Yes, I think that if I stopped being my main audience it would rapidly fail. 💐💐
August 30, 2019 @ 1:46 pm
I always enjoy reading your blog. I found it really interesting when you point out that sometimes you write a post “to” your Domme, though knowing that she won’t read it. I think that is another valuable thing about blogging – like a private journal you can empty your thoughts, of course, but with a blog you’re more likely to craft your words towards the imagined person whilst actually crafting it for an anonymous audience. I find that very therapeutic, and a great way of expressing the things one dare not say face-to-face. 💖
August 30, 2019 @ 2:10 pm
For me that’s a kind of halfway house. To send something in an email means it’s of an importance or urgency that we both know she will read it. But most things don’t justify that sort of urgency and can feel like seeking attention. Placing some thoughts in a post that she can read if she wants to is really ideal at times.
That blurring of writing with someone in mind and an anonymous audience is quite intriguing. Because over time they’re not as anonymous as they were and I find it no longer matters that they’ve seen so much when previous incarnations would never have been that bold.
Thank you for a great comment – it’s also why I write 😁💗
August 30, 2019 @ 6:32 pm
Ah, yes, I see what you mean about the anonymity factor wearing off after you start meeting and getting to know other bloggers. But as they’ve been familiar with your journey, yes, less of a feeling of exposure. 👍
August 26, 2019 @ 8:30 am
This reader always enjoys reading your work. You write with a very thoughtful precision, full of kindness and understading. Your writing is not to be missed!
August 26, 2019 @ 11:05 am
Thank you, Pons. I’m a bit astounded by the feedback. 🌹
The Lexy Experiment
August 26, 2019 @ 5:57 am
My heart swelled when I read your words “The person I write this for, is ME.” The comments clearly show a lot of other people care about your writing too but I think it’s beautiful to have that kind of internal focus and drive.
August 26, 2019 @ 11:00 am
Thank you, Lexy When I started I knew the only way to keep it true and honest was to write for me, I can’t hide from myself. That others want to read and enjoy it is an absolutely amazing bonus. 😁🌺
August 25, 2019 @ 1:15 pm
I love to read your words, however difficult and painful or of course joyful they have been to write. I love your honesty and ability to look deep within yourself. Thank you for writing and sharing something of you. xx
August 26, 2019 @ 10:57 am
Thank you Julie. So kind and much appreciated 💐
August 24, 2019 @ 7:32 pm
Well I am one who reads your blog and am glad you write.
Your blog is on my list entitled –
“will go to even if I am not writing and promoting my stuff. Will read even if they are not in the same memes as me – I will check out their posts even if May More ceases to be” –
that is the list u are on in my world 😉 x
August 25, 2019 @ 7:38 am
Rather humbling and much appreciated 💗💐
August 23, 2019 @ 8:13 pm
My sweet friend, I am listening and learning.
Every post you share explains something or makes me think of a new topic or angle that I hadn’t considered.
I am delighted that your blog allows me to get to know you and so, so happy that we have met, making our friendship more than virtual. Go you melody.
August 23, 2019 @ 8:36 pm
You were amongst the first to discover and encorage. Thank you xx
August 23, 2019 @ 5:44 pm
I am really glad you write and that I can get to know you through your blog!
August 23, 2019 @ 5:50 pm
💋 Thank you.