[F4Thought] Vice or Indulgence ?

Is it a vice, an indulgence, or perhaps a fetish ?

Certainly it started as a fetish, probably the very first real and acknowledged one.  It gradually became a vice, then an indulgence and now it’s almost a necessity as something nice that makes me feel … well, feel.

What am I talking about ?

Shoes !!  Women’s shoes !!  Footwear with heels that ooze feminine.

I started buying and collecting shoes in the early 1990’s when I finally had a place of privacy to indulge in trying them on and learning to walk in them.  Choice in larger shoes sizes was very limited (and expensive) and it wasn’t until the end of the decade that Internet shopping caught up with a surprising level of demand.  The killer for my shoe vice was the advent of eBay.  At one point I had over 300 pairs 😵

This period I do call it a vice.  Very few pairs would be worn for more than a few minutes before becoming just another box in the collection.

It wasn’t as if I spent that much time wearing them.  Out would come a favourite pair when I felt the need to dress.  There’s an identifiable stage that heel fetishists go through which is to pursue ever higher heels.  Being able to stand in 3″ heels without wobbling leads to trying 4″, then 5″ and 6″.

Have you ever seen video clips of men trying to walk in heels ?  They usually look to have a stance like John Wayne just got off his horse.  And then they clump about in a strange mixed gait of the 8 year old girl shuffling around in mummy’s heels and baby hippo.

To this day I still laugh with my former mistress about when she would do “sissy dressing” with clients.  She’d line up 3 pairs for them.  A pair of 2″ mules, some 3″ sandals and a 4″ court.  She’d tell them she was being kind and letting them choose the ones to wear.  Invariably the inexperienced would pick the 2″ mules.  With no ankle support and no sense of balance she could mercilessly humiliate them.  Me ?  I had learned those lessons long before I knew her and no longer looked like Bambi on ice.  (The correct choice obviously being the 4″ courts with ankle support.)

Of course I’d spent time trying to overcome that gait and posture.  I learned that 5″ was about my limit and even then only certain shoes could be comfortable enough for more than an hour.

The step (cough) change started when I moved into my current place 5 years ago.  I’d had a big clear out when I moved.  Yeah, okay I still had about 120 pairs but these were now ones that were more identifiably me and more likely to be worn because I’d learned what was comfortable.

Heels as an indulgence started to become a necessity almost 4 years ago.  Various things triggered a need to dress, not as fetish but as part of the exploding gender dysphoria and a burning need to be myself.  I started to dress and wear heels every day whenever I was home.

I found my comfort zone of 4″ and pretty much stick to between 3 1/2″ and 4 1/2″.

No matter how much I wore them and looked natural there was still one very pressing question.  It’s easy to manage in the comfort of your own home on carpets, but what’s it like to survive in the outside world ?

About 18 months ago I couldn’t avoid that question any longer.  I bought some “necessary” pairs of block heel boots and started to wear them to work.

As good as I thought I was within the home, the change was massive.  Uneven pavement, tree roots, cobbles.  What I thought was already a shortened stride is now about 2/3 less.

For my own peace of mind and personal image I’ve worn nothing but heels since that day.  I’ve not used stilettos to work or shopping, though I have worn both stiletto courts and boots in public when visiting my domme.

Two things this week highlight the magnitude of these personal changes.  I was wearing these brown pseudo suede boots at work when one of the women from another floor commented how nice they were.  Instead of shriveling up it generated a small conversation.

The other thing was a very weird coincidence.  One day this week my domme posted a picture of herself in some knee high black boots.  I did a double take as I took in the details – I was wearing the exact same boot.  Albeit mine were largely hidden by male trousers outside the boot.  Since I happened to see her the following day we confirmed they were the exact same – how do you account for such a coincidence ?

Heels and feminine footwear have been important to me for about as long as I can remember.  Realisation of owning and wearing them started as a vice or fetish.  Familiarity of comfort made them an indulgence until the needs of gender dysphoria have made them a necessity.

To close, here are two favourites of the moment