I like the mental process behind writing.
It allows me to harness my thoughts in order to understand my life and to process the ebb and flow of past events.
My blogs are all about sex, but I don’t write specifics about it – the difference is that my words are the result of non consensual sex acts and unconnected incidents of Rape.
Once this has been experienced, learning to rely on “gut” instinct is an internal struggle and a repeated exercise in self doubt which I am able to explore within my writing.
I am not alone in this method of self care.
Am I a sex blogger ?
That would imply, in express terms, that everything written and posted by everybody must be about the genital / physical / mechanical / sextoy aspects of sex between consenting adults.
If you’re a SW then that would make one more qualified than the majority of content that’s posted daily.
Everyone else should pack up their sextoys and stay home?
Whether one is an adult virgin, the leading central figure as a professional in a 2000 person line up for sex / swinging / orgies for the ‘Guinness Book of World Records’, or whether one has their finances tied up in the shares and stocks of lube and prophylactic companies – none of our proclivities, kinks or celibacy should negate whom is welcome and those that should be excluded to share their thoughts.
Am I an imposter within others blinkered view because I don’t fit into a regular format of the blogging community ?
Is the all inclusive community spirit only extended if one signs a contract to never state anything considered “off company telesales script” ?
I’ve been respectful to those that host my words and include my posts and their comments on their sites. I’m also very humbled I’ve been permitted to work through more issues than is comfortable to admit in a very public way within the parameters necessary.
If my words are not welcome there, I’m sure they will have the courtesy to explain why they have an invitation only / closed group policy.
If my writing makes some readers uncomfortable, this may be an indication that humanity has not given up on the majority and has empathy.
If my writing angers readers ? That demonstrates some very deep seated antisocial issues. A powerful indictment of themselves to process their root cause and invalidate my traumas.
My experiences of d/s are a true representation with a non monogamous man that told me he was poly. This was not true but a romanticised fantasy of a workable arrangement. The only time I consented.
There are lots of instances that I believed his lies, the thoughts and repercussions of which still haunt me.
Does this mean I’m not a true / real submissive woman ? What are the entry requirements ? I never had the memos or a mentor with integrity to teach me valuable lessons. The dom behaviour I know in reality, has also been known to slide into my DM to ask to meet me. You know, the self-designated good ones.
My d/s is not your d/s but it’s now okay to kink shame me or troll my words ?
I guess the issue of whether I belong has nothing to do with content but personal politics and exclusion. Primarily as my initial erratic exchanges showed me in an inconsistent state of mind ?
I was never perfect. I never will be.
I don’t fit the cookie cutter mode.
I don’t talk about all the beatings and beltings, edge play, how many forced orgasms before my legs buckled beneath me.
I don’t have photos of cane stripes to proudly share whilst being the object of his current desires. The photos I was eventually shown were taken without consent.
It gives me chills not knowing how many photos of me beaten and a semi conscious mess may still exist.
If it’s not instantly recognisable to understand the parallel between my words & sexually explicit blogs – for that reason alone dear reader, you are truly blessed
Light and Dark is Everywhere
It’s in the unlikeliest of places when one knows what it looks like.
Once recognised, its visible in places that one gaslights themselves. Refusing to believe what one witnessed.
It gradually becomes clearer recognising those that dwell in shadows and those overflowing with an abundance of light.
I Dedicate these words to those that have the emotional intelligence to hear me and understand why I’m the way I once was.
I dedicate this blog to those that never gave up on me.
I am indebted to the kindness of strangers.
@Swirlingfire, 25 June 2019
Written for the #sb4mh meme of “Invalidation”. Why not go check out other posts by clicking on the button.