SwirlingFire: Silent Scream

By | April 9, 2019
Reading Time: 2 minutes


Silent Scream

I’m sat cross legged on a squishy futon.  As I brush fluff from my trousers The woman opposite mirrors me.  Expertly examining my face and body language for “tells”.

I smile inwardly whilst feeling that familiar catch in my throat and my chest tightening are about to betray my cool exterior.

I’m usually very good at this game.

Wearing a mask that totally shields my thoughts and feelings to the real world.  It’s a practised art form.  It’s taken more than a decade to skilfully hide in plain sight.

Reading down a list of thoughts feelings and activities, the lady looks intently at me. Kindly. Then she asks me the one question nobody ever has:

Tell me how it feels to be you for a day

A huge box of tissues is gently nudged towards me as she sees the first silent tear roll down my face.

Damn. That woman is good.

Swirlingfire: A Posting History

@Swirlingfire, 30 March 2019

Written for the #WickedWednesday meme of “Mental Health”.  Why not go check out the other posts by clicking on the button.

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11 thoughts on “SwirlingFire: Silent Scream

  1. twistedbubbles

    Deep criesout to deep. I have learned that truer words have never been spoken. Despite our best efforts to hide ourselves, our spirit holds no secrets and it will call out to someone who has been where we have been in some way shape or form. To be in a field with exposure to people as she was she has learned the body cues, the tricks, all of it. I love how you show us how easily we can be read sometimes.

    1. SwirlingFire

      Thankyou for taking time to read and reply.
      I’ll be booking another session soon.
      I’d recommend it for anybody who is learning to practice “self care”,
      Best wishes
      Swirly 🌻

  2. Marie Rebelle

    Strong, powerful writing, where at first I thought you were looking at yourself in a mirror, which of course can be a form of therapy too, to really try and SEE yourself. Strong post!

    Rebel xox

    1. Swirly

      Thankyou once again for taking the time to read and reply. It really helps me. A lot. It’s true – I’ve not been able to look at myself in the mirror for a very long time. You have, once again, inspired a new thought train for another blog.

      Best wishes to,you
      Swirly 🌻

  3. silverdomuk

    Therapy? I hope this helps you, Swirly.

    LLL’s comment captures this post perfectly.

  4. lovelustlondon

    Oh Swirly, this post really tore me from my thoughts and made me stop – it’s so impactful and full of emotion (your writing is powerful). I hope so much that this process leads to happier days. It’s great that you have such a good therapist who can see behind the mask and help you on your way.


    1. SwirlingFire

      Hello StarLust
      This blog details a Shiatsu Massage treatment I recently had. It wasnt a “counselling session”.

      Thankyou for your kind words of support and critique regarding my writing style. Its priceless and very much appreciated.

      Swirly 🌻

      1. lovelustlondon

        Thank you for the clarification and I apologise for making an assumption. That is one emotionally intelligent shiatsu masseuse. Also; I love ‘Starlust’!

        1. Swirly

          Dear StarLust
          Absolutely no apologies are necessary. It wasn’t my intent to miscommunicate.


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