SwirlingFire: Kintsugi
Kintsugi – Beautifully Flawed
I’m not entirely certain why I’ve been in two minds to release the most current (as yet unavailable) blog post.
The hardest part is not in the writing but the “setting free” – not the words/grammar/subject matter. It’s the knowledge that my thoughts are committed to writing.
I was posed this question:
“ …… Do you want these thoughts out there in 5 or 10 years time ?”
I wonder if I’ve become numb to everything in the past and recent past events that cause me to hesitate ?
Is it guilt and shame ?
Is it the knowledge that I was an easy target and didn’t even consider the flip side before finding myself in mentally damaging “friendships” ?
Not sure whether gut reactions are restarting and giving me a queasy feeling as they begin to return ?
I can only currently assume it’s “self doubt” creeping in again and still with more layers of “self blame” to process and work through to eradicate. Shame and embarrassment are the two toughest aspects to currently work through.
Earlier today I read a tweet with this meme ….
I feel I have so many “cracks” and some days I’m barely “holding it together” …. I’ve become mistress of putting on a smile. Even though I’m barely capable of a kindness or consideration to others, but we do. Responsibilities to others, work etc.
My life at this age is not how I imagined it to be as a small child.
Is it ever time to give up the dreams and just be content with the “here and now” ?
@Swirlingfire, 30 December 2018