SwirlingFire: Reality Kicks In
Reality kicks in
When the bile rises from your gut to your throat
Chest tightens as one tries to catch their breath.
An alternating cold hot sweat that prickles up the back of one’s neck;
Gripped both by loathing and a furious passion.
The no contact continues
Its tough the first few days and weeks. Then it begins to ease.
The day passes more gently with fewer invasive thoughts.
The nights are difficult.
Endless empty hours stretching before you.
Trying to get comfy against the piles of pillows.
Then it hits you
A thought
A Saying
A quote
Or although you’ve muted, blocked and deactivated everywhere you remember,
Something slips through and smashes the tiny boundary of calm neatly building about / around yourself.
Protection, not hiding this time.
Boom
Something so personal
A picture once exchanged sent to another.
Familiar words exchanged to someone new.
And there it is
A punch in the guts.
The collar.
Around someone else’s neck
A promise broken
The greatest betrayal of trust respect care and kindness.
Smashed to pieces
All or nothing.
I was nothing
August 17, 2022 @ 2:52 am
He was no Master…… Trust and know that.
SwirlingFire: Whose Collar Is This ? – Insights and Ramblings of melody
December 2, 2018 @ 1:01 pm
[…] It was only the brutal act of knowing “my” play collar was now around someone else’s neck the bile rose and I almost vomited over myself. SwirlingFire: Reality Kicks In […]
SwirlingFire: Sink or Swim – Insights and Ramblings of melody
October 11, 2018 @ 5:30 pm
[…] would turn in my favour. They never have. Every time I would retreat further into my own shell (SwirlingFire: Reality Kicks In). Another fabulous personality trait to hide behind. Pushing outsiders further away. That’s how […]
October 10, 2018 @ 9:05 pm
You were only nothing because ‘master’ was not worthy of you, did not know how to treat you right. Powerfully written. Thanks for sharing.