Despite modern pressures to acknowledge and cater to emotions it has to be said that for older male generations it is still largely taboo to express emotion. We were conditioned to ‘suck it up’, stiff upper lip and all that. Perhaps the one emotion that’s almost acceptable to display is anger but so often it can be seen as a gateway to rage and violence, which is unacceptable. I can remember the last time I lost my temper, it was 35 years ago and the embarrassment taught me to clamp down even tighter.
There’s a train of thought that says my path through D/s has been a way of seeking access to those controlled emotions, to release them. Where a domme can try to wrest control of the emotional locks, taking away my responsibility to rigidly control them. Just because she can wrest control of them doesn’t mean she can unpick them and release an emotional barrage. That’s still a very difficult place to get to, I can think of only one time when I’ve unconditionally and uncontrollably been there wracked with tears.
Of course, melody is characterised by her freedom to express emotion and once in a while it can be viscerally raw, even frightening. But that’s not emotional release generated from submission, it’s not the result of someone else unpicking my emotional locks.
I see a parallel with those who can ride the pain of D/s play to achieve or enhance physical orgasm. It’s trite to just say physical since the mind is actually what’s pushed over the edge to provide that whole body release. It’s a long time ago, but I have played on that edge, not entirely successfully, but enough to understand it and provide some context for where my thoughts have evolved to.
Part of that evolution is the lack of interest in physical orgasm, even if I was capable of such. Which leaves me to consider what I might term the mental or emotional orgasm. The build up of mental and emotional stimulus behind a levee that breaks with one final push and a tidal wave cascades through me as emotional sobs and tears.
Pain gets me part way there, perhaps frustratingly close. Instead of releasing the tidal wave my mind shuts down itself and the body. It maybe possible to play on the edge of this, like surfing the vortex. It would take great skill from the domme and likely encompass some failures which are potentially dangerous.
The other approach that I think has a better chance of success is the emotional one. The slow build up of emotional pressures. Not too long ago I might have classified such as humiliation play but in light of recent understandings I don’t think that would work, or if it did, it would be quite damaging to melody. It’s the sort of thing that might have worked if solely targeted at the male side. You can’t isolate melody out of the equation now and as the ex mistress told me, she knew that was true 15 years ago which was why she never went down that path.
For such pressures to create that emotional orgasm, they need to be focused on melody and channel her ability to express emotion. I’m really not sure what they are, and indeed, they may need to be augmented by pain for the final push over the edge.
That one time was the result of perhaps a years worth of conditioning and the psychological pressures in the session that resulted in emotional overload were not planned, or at least not the result of deliberate calculation on her part and there was no pain involved. You might say that it was an happy accident to achieve a supreme mindfuck.
The path to emotional orgasm is through melody and probably under-pinned by hypnosis. The key will be not just in getting there, but in learning the path so it’s repeatable. I can sense this as part of where we’re going, the deepening of submission so that my vulnerabilities are naked and unprotected in front of her.
Everything I’ve experienced with D/s tells me that each time I let go more and expose those vulnerabilities, it gets better. Still, it can be hard to do that at times.