It’s rather daunting to be sat here with a blank canvas and wondering what pictures to paint on it.
One thing that cropped up from my guest writings was the question of why hasn’t melody written before. Well, she has. Quite a bit of private writing – journals and such, as well as the odd item on FetLife. Also, many years ago melody did have a small public blog, just that no one ever read it. Indeed, the items on FetLife were really a follow on from that blog, the need to put something out there in public but fairly sure that almost no one will read it. It’s like the shy one at the party hiding behind the curtains, but able to say “I was there”.
Actually, there’s a good reason that melody has been quiet for a very long time. As I explained in my potted history in the guest posts for Pain as Pleasure the first flowering of melody was as the personal sub to a lifestyle domme. With a gap of several years between them, I now serve a pro domme. In regard to the ability and inclination to be visible and interact with the greater world, this difference is very relevant.
The unfortunate thing is that as a personal sub to a Mistress with a significant online presence you go around with a large bulls eye target on your back.
Being a personal sub means being very close, you know her family, you know the personal troubles, you’re the first one to get a call when the boiler breaks down. You’re the one to take her to dinner or the theatre. You’re the one she wants to spend her personal time with.
A significant number of subs are jealous of your position. Perhaps they have sent your mistress an email or tweet and received a polite reply and want to know more about her in order to “serve her better”. You’re targeted as a possible weak link. I’ve only known one sub who was genuine in this respect and he was dying of cancer.
A number of subs, having seen her pictures, will construct elaborate fantasies about her and these guys can be crazy. Often the premise of the fantasies is that they would make a far better sub to her than you and their aim is to replace you. You can be stalked, any public utterance has to be done with care because these crazies will report and magnify to her any transgression they think you’ve made. All with the aim of driving a wedge between you and your mistress.
In the end you clam up. Not so much from the personal dealings with these people but from the fact that you don’t want your mistress to be having to deal with it. Fortunately we never succumbed to a failure of trust that these crazies try to create. What they can never understand from their fantasies is the personal chemistry that is the reason you are together. Sadly, I have seen other relationships destroyed by the online fantasists.
All of which means that melody went dark for a number of years and even without being with a mistress old habits die hard without an incentive to change.
Being client/sub to a pro domme has gradually changed things. There’s a lot of freedom and very few responsibilities. I am not a part of her personal space, I don’t have proprietary information or gossip. There’s no reason for any jealous sub to attack me in this case. If they want to, they can use her contact page and ask for a session.
If I write something I don’t have to worry if I’m revealing anything, except for gnawing at my own liver for all the personal feelings and emotions I expose to public view.
The biggest reason that melody is starting to write in public is, indeed, down to my domme. It’s the way she’s teased out and reinforced the melody persona and ego. Just enough, at the time of writing, for melody to recognisably be a different personality capable of standing on her own and having her own opinions that may not be quite the same as that of the male host ego.
This is the journey I am on. I know the way my domme works, this acceptance of being in public will be only a step on the path to genuine public outings.
This is what I will partly be writing about.