In this age of online social media it’s not uncommon for people, especially kids, to say that they have hundreds of friends. Those of us slightly older remember the sage advice that if you can reach the end of your life counting true friends on the fingers of more than one hand, then you’ve been well served in life.
When the chips are down, who are those you know, or have known who will jump straight in to the fight to help or protect you ? This excludes family, though it’s not a given that family will fight for you. A hug emoji and some platitudes from behind an anonymous screen and keyboard are not going to cut the mustard when it gets down to bare knuckles in the arena.
When I think on the subject of friendship, I can place two, perhaps three people in this space in my mind. Coincidentally they are all dommes.
There is no one from school, I haven’t seen anyone from there in 35 years. There’s no one from my work and professional life and certainly no one from social circles.
For some reason only the intensity associated with a D/s background allows me to drop my guard enough to allow the possibility of creating such a close connection with another person. Indeed, I seem to be one to seek out the potential risk of being emotionally burned in order to attain what’s impossible in my vanilla world. Impossible in the vanilla world because I can’t share or expose the whole of me and that means too much of me is missing for a friendship to be profound.
Of the two people I am definite about it is interesting contrasting the similarities and the differences. These are people who accepted me for everything I am without reservation as I did likewise for them.
One was my mistress to whom I was a personal sub for many years. The other was a well known domme on the London scene who became my big sister without any form of D/s.
I’ve written of my big ‘Sis’ in a couple of posts such as Educating Innocence and Memories of a Special Person. She was larger than life in so many ways and I loved the way she wore her heart on her sleeve. Things she did and said more than twenty years ago still impact on who and what I am today. She cried on my shoulder and was there in the same capacity for me. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. In light of more recent knowledge about myself, I can see that she was the first person with whom the relationship was asexual – a deep affinity where sexual attraction was completely sidelined. She taught me to savour the feel of thuddy implements and it’s still one of my favourite sensations to this day. In D/s parlance she would be described as my protector. Since there was no D/s, big Sis was more appropriate.
In the other case I was the personal sub to my former mistress, something she took very seriously. When one talks of ownership in the context of D/s it is not in the form of a chattel, it’s a very complex thing. We talked a year ago on her feelings of “this is mine”, “it belongs to no one else”. She could become very jealous and that was the flip side of her protective nature. I know how hard she would fight for her children during some very difficult times. Obviously I didn’t have the priority of her children, yet ran them a reasonable second in terms of her protective instincts.
How much did she invest in that relationship ? Even today, more than six years later she will still wear my old chastity key on her necklace and absent mindedly fondle it. My favourite post about her is Excuses, Excuses . . .
If the trumpet sounded both of these are friends who would be in the darkest part of the pit fighting in my corner. These are the people I would most want in my corner.
Once invested in someone there’s something inside a domme that makes them want to nurture and protect, perhaps excessively – at least for the ones I have known. As shown here, it’s not necessarily driven by owning a sub, the connection may well be very profound without the D/s dynamics. My big Sis would frown at me calling it a mothering instinct, yet she could mother her actual family and her extended poly family like a champ – I became de facto included in that without any of the trappings of a relationship beyond the best title of them all ‘friend’.
I said above that there were two, perhaps three who would be in that pit. The third is subject to different boundaries and yet I hear many of the same things as from the previous two. The protective shell is tangible and I know she’ll fight dirty to protect her domain.
I’d be very proud for any and all of these friends to be in the trenches with me, just as I’d happily answer the trumpet call on their behalf.
Written for the #WickedWednesday meme of “Friendship”. Why not go check out the other posts by clicking on the button.