Submission, what is it ??
We all have our own ideas and definitions.
One of them being that it is giving up “control” to someone else. One of the most commonly expressed sub fantasies is to give up control, hand over total control. It’s the root for “I’ll do anything you want, mistress’, the time waster’s mantra.
One of the cleverest tricks of the dominant is to turn this inside out, to assert control by forcing the submissive to learn and impose self-control.
Back to an old familiar topic of mine, chastity. At first glance it doesn’t much look like self-control, he has his dick locked away and can’t touch it. Surely he has no control over it now ?
When he’s first locked up he’s as horny as fuck. It’s probably taken a bag or two of frozen peas just to get him soft enough to fit in the CB cage. He feels the CB like a constricting vice and he’s so deep in horny shock that he misses what’s staring him in the face.
It’s a mind trick !! It’s a con !!
He can get out of the flimsy CB in seconds if he was thinking clearly. The domme is encouraging his self-control. He doesn’t want to disappoint her. High on his list right now is, can he cheat without her knowing ? Could he slip out of the CB, have a wank and slip back in ? The more he thinks about that, the more horny he gets. His mind only has two thoughts, the indescribable need to ejaculate and the even more indescribable desire to prove his submission by not doing so.
It’s a merry-go-round of competing primitive instincts that no one knows which will win. Will he give in and barely enjoy the quickest orgasm he’s ever had and ruin the nascent D/s ? Or will he learn the suffering of self-control ?
Fighting minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day to suppress the urge to rip that thing off. The CB is a mirage, a psychological crutch. He could be out in seconds but the good domme has instilled fear, he knows she can’t miss it if he destroys it for fleeting pleasure and she makes sure he believes in the dire consequences.
This is the essence of chastity, teaching a sub self-control. Controlling the knife-edge between the contradictory forces. The primitive animalistic need to release that pent up frustration. And the higher brain intensity that wants to fight it in order to continue floating in the bath of sexual chemicals almost permanently flooding the brain.
For the sub who comes through and has learned the rudiments of self-control, he’ll find it subordinate to the control of the domme. A place where he can start unlearning his fantasy versions of what the domme means when she talks of altruism, submission and service.
And there you have one of the big secrets – as submissives we do it to ourselves. We can walk away at any time, yet we control and condition ourselves in order to give away that control and convince ourselves that someone took it from us.
This post is submitted as part of the #WickedWednesday meme.
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