Content Notice: No flesh on display
There’s a dividing line in my relationship with the camera. Until very recently, I didn’t have one. I aggressively avoided being in any picture. The only pictures of me being for a passport and very reluctantly, ID for work (though I did pass off a picture of Father Jack as ID for an American company that bought us).
I hated the idea of pictures of myself anywhere. Perhaps that was some deeply latent gender thing. Was that image staring back at me out of alignment with what I sub-consciously wanted it to be ? Hence something to be resented ?
I know exactly when my relationship with the camera changed, it was about 6 pm on this particular day:
melody thoroughly enjoyed her acting debut and was later fascinated by the end result video. She had none of the qualms that ‘he’ had about seeing his own image. There have been a few appearances in front of the camera since. I’m quite proud of the caning one even though I didn’t know she was filming at the time.
I have a totally different outlook as melody to seeing ‘selfies’. It’s complicated because I can see every flaw and I cringe at the amount of weight put on after illness that refuses to come off again. And yet, I’m quite happy to otherwise look at the image and own that this is me as I evolve my physical image closer to my mental image.
This image was taken this week. I drove two hours each way with an hour parked up waiting in a supermarket car park before venturing a short distance on the public pavement to an appointment with the domme.
It’s not a ‘sexy’ image, yet it is me expressing being me and actually being comfortable enough with it and in myself to put it here in a prompt for which I didn’t think I had anything to say. I’m pretty sure that when I sort out a look with makeup that I won’t even mind showing the full shot.
That’s what is so odd about this process I’m going through.
Each step I take, often documented with pictures, should have me close to breakdown with nerves and fear, especially those steps that involve being in public.
Instead, provided the experience falls roughly within expected parameters I find great calm and happiness within it such that it provides fresh confidence for going that little bit further the next time.
I know that the hypnosis plays a significant part in this, although it’s quite subtle. Never has the hypnosis tried to define who melody is, what she is, or how she behaves. What it does provide is a field or a bath of confidence that says it’s okay to be melody and explore without stigma and find out who this melody is and what she could be.
Rather than reject my image as ‘he’ used to, my selfies are like a documentary of an evolving melody. I’m not sure I would use the word pride when I look at the actual pixels. However, there’s plenty of pride in what they represent and symbolise.
July 27, 2019 @ 3:51 pm
Lovely to read how your thought have changed as you have gained experiences and explored yourself. I think finding joy in taking a selfie is a wonderful thing
July 27, 2019 @ 3:54 pm
Thank you, Molly. A selfie as melody is an affirmation that could never have happened for the male..
July 20, 2019 @ 11:24 pm
Wow melody – such progress in recent months. I remember the sploshing images, and how you were glad the paint and custard obscured your face.
When we met up, I had no idea of the honour, that I was one of your first ventures out as melody. Since then you have travelled in your car dressed as melody. Your Domme has approved your wig and make-up, you’ve got pierced ears. Now you are sharing this very feminine image, a soft and full dress in pink, and a lovely waterfall jacket – shoes to DIE for of course, what a transformation this journey has achieved! Please keep going, you have our support, respect and love.
July 21, 2019 @ 8:53 am
Thank you, Posy. You may recall posts where I’ve talked about the ‘sissy’ or CD spaces as being ones where the ideal of dressing is as a caricature of female. I think you see the difference in this post. Although the sploshing picture was used to demonstrate the moment I changed my attitude to the camera, it was also a symbolic death of the caricature.
I do know that the picture as it is with the head cropped can be considered passable as most women are indeed looking at the shoes 👠😁 The domme asked if they were new and I had to say she’d seen them a couple of times before 👀.
I would say, don’t expect this sort of thing next time we hook up – I’m really not up to that kind of open public scrutiny, yet … lol
July 20, 2019 @ 10:06 pm
I love the second picture ☺️
Like May said, it’s good that you have feelings of calmness and happiness instead of nerves and fear. Sounds to me like you’re on the right path! 😁
July 21, 2019 @ 8:39 am
When I post a picture such as the pink dress it’s not about trawling for compliments, it’s for me to document my own progress and I see all the flaws. What is very interesting is how others see it, with no baggage or axe to grind. So thank you for the lovely comment. melody xx 🌻🌼🌺
July 20, 2019 @ 1:08 am
What a wonderful journey!
July 19, 2019 @ 6:52 pm
Great photos and I particularly like that second image – Melody looks amazing and extremely feminine. Am so pleased that each step has often met with a calmness rather than with nerves and fear 😉 x
July 19, 2019 @ 7:20 pm
Aww, thank you. Whenever anyone asks if hypnosis actually works I think of this lack of fear – which is not actually a specific suggestion, just my subconscious interpreting what it hears. I find it all quite amazing on many levels. x
July 19, 2019 @ 5:30 pm
What a lovely, touching post – I think Melody looks great
July 19, 2019 @ 7:21 pm
Thank you so much. 💐🌹
July 19, 2019 @ 4:21 pm
Wonderful to see first blooms 💞🤗