[TellMeAbout] The Non-Masochist Painslut
Pain – Now there’s a word that splits me in two. In general terms, I hate pain. Even mild discomfort is something I avoid in daily life. When it comes to D/s, it’s a whole different ball game. It gives both my current domme and my former mistress a giggle to bracket me as a painslut.
I seem to have minor OCD when it comes to definitions of terms, so to be sure about what I am writing I took a quick look at Merriam-Webster.
Merriam-Webster: Definition of masochistic1: of or relating to masochism: deriving sexual gratification from being subjected to physical pain or humiliation
2: gaining pleasure from pain and suffering
You may find it odd that I reject definition #1. I think most subs and masochists would readily identify with there being a high degree of sexual gratification induced by erotic and sensual pain. For me, physical sexual gratification is lost in the mists of time. If I ever even had the linkage between pain and arousal, those links were severed a very long time ago along with all arousal responses. This is why I swear I’m not really a masochist, even as I lovingly finger the welts.
Which means I’m left with definition #2 and I’m happy with this one. Pain and suffering give me a great deal of pleasure, not sexual pleasure, though. I’m not sure I can put a finger on it – just all round pleasure from the bath of endorphins and the mental high from all those stresses.
Now it’s time for a quote from the very cheesy movie, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier.
Damn it, Bones, you’re a doctor. You know that pain and guilt can’t be taken away with a wave of a magic wand. They’re the things we carry with us, the things that make us who we are. If we lose them, we lose ourselves. I don’t want my pain taken away. I need my pain.
Yes, it is a cheesy line from Hollywood trying to be profound (Shatner was director). And yet it speaks to me in interesting ways.
The first few minutes of a CP session are very difficult for me, they come under the category of discomfort and I almost hate what’s comparatively minor pain. Then, slowly, I enter a trance state, followed by subspace and the painslut is more apparent each time. I can ride the pain, I need the pain and I need to suffer for her. In this state I’m brought alive in facing the stark truths of who and what I am. Shame and guilt are long consigned to the past and now each time is a fresh cleansing.
She carefully layers the pain. Paddles, straps, crops, canes and the recently added snakeskin single tail. By now it’s a well rehearsed dance. She’s not out to break me and I’m not there to challenge her to do so. Instead her goal is to push me that bit further in to the red each time. To know that when she decides to stop that she’s taken everything I had to give, nothing was left in the locker and that the inner painslut has fought past those early moments to revel living inside the pain, not wanting it to stop.
Pain comes in different guises. The blunt trauma of CP is one such guise, the other frequent application is needles. Unlike a heavy strike with a cane, there’s no individual needle that stands out. The pain and the flood of endorphins associated with needles is cumulative, it builds slowly until there’s the all too late realisation that endurance is once again being tested to the limits.
And that is perhaps the key word in my relationship with her and pain – endurance. That’s where my satisfaction and pleasure comes from, to know I’ve endured what she wanted to give and take to/from me. My submissive instincts, even fantasies, have always been about endurance and suffering – I need my pain. Or is it her pain ? That’s a conundrum I’m not going to attempt to unravel.
What I find truly interesting is that seeking and enduring the physical pain is really a manifestation of a submission that’s primarily mental. The hypnosis continually deepens that submission and gives rise to greater endurance, the ability to clamp down on the rising tsunami and surf the wave without being wiped out.
The trouble with pushing the limits on pain and endurance is that eventually you realise that those very dark and extreme thoughts around pain and suffering that were once out of reach fantasies are now not quite so extreme, that they are within grasping distance. There’s a scary part of me that sees higher pain and suffering becoming options and says: “I’ve got to know !!” – but I’m not a masochist, honest (unless we’re talking about high heels 😂👠)
Written for #TellMeAbout. Click on the image to read informative posts from across the D/s spectrum.
January 18, 2020 @ 2:20 pm
Loving the needles but then I’m a real sucker for needles, it’s just a shame you’ve had to hide it.
January 18, 2020 @ 2:34 pm
Thank you. Very happy you liked the needles. I know some readers can’t read a post with needle pictures, so collapsing the picture is quite a good solution. It gives the choice to the reader rather than me wondering if I should take it out of the post.
Yeah, she has deemed me worthy of the title #needlebunny 😁
January 17, 2020 @ 9:31 pm
Great post and an original layout! The thing about your kink not being my kink and all that rings true with pain; it’s a very personal relationship as you have clearly described.
January 18, 2020 @ 8:52 am
Thank you, HL. 🌹
January 9, 2020 @ 8:07 pm
That is an amazing and impressive photo!! Great post, too!
January 10, 2020 @ 12:38 pm
Thanks JG. I wish I could take more credit beyond laying back and letting her work her artistry 😂😂
January 8, 2020 @ 8:10 pm
This was really interesting. I have struggled to enter the sort of state that you talk of here from pain. I wish I could but I fight it and try to harness it and make it my own rather than giving in and allowing it to wash over me. I think that this is something that I might be working on though and it was really good to learn more about how it works for you. Thank you for sharing 🙂
January 9, 2020 @ 7:46 am
Undoubtedly for me, the hypnosis side to the relationship has really made this possible. It’s taught me to relax and trust. I thought I had those things sorted with the former mistress, only to discover whole new depths to them with the domme. In knowing how to let go it’s become possible to surf the pain at the extreme end of a session. It’s a weird form of control in that it’s narrowly within the parameters she defines with pain application – almost like flying in a dream where you’re caught in a wind current and soar gracefully within it. 🌹🌹
January 9, 2020 @ 7:48 am
I find the thought of hypnosis so interesting. I have never tried it though 😊
January 9, 2020 @ 8:11 am
Actually, I think that in a very real way, you have. It’s probably an unconscious thing, but if you consider the basics to be being able to relax with and trust in the other person, then you have buckets of this with HL 😵
The only difference is that she uses that trust and relaxation to create structured suggestions to specific goals – sometimes her goals, sometimes mine.
January 11, 2020 @ 11:19 pm
This is a good point and I will think about that further. Thank you Melody 😊
January 8, 2020 @ 1:30 pm
The more I read about how people relate to pain the more I realise how individual our personal relationships to pain are. How different our reasons are as to why pain works for us and also the purpose of pain seems to be diverse too.
Which leaves me pondering – Is it not wonderful how individual we all are? And makes me think where pain is concerned (and as with many other things) our individuality means we can throw away the label.
But I am waffling – I didn’t open the pic of the needles as I am sure I have l already seen it but am very interested in using that plugin x
January 8, 2020 @ 1:51 pm
I think it’s a great plugin, it gives the choice to the reader and means I can write with fewer compromises.
There’s so many things about pain that can vary. Our motivations, how we handle it, what we get from it. Our personal experiences from what can look to be the same spank, whip or cane end up being very different. Isn’t writing a wonderful way of learning about other people’s perceptions of something we think we know intimately ? 🌹🌹
January 8, 2020 @ 2:47 pm
yes it so is – I just love blogging! you have probably noticed lol
January 7, 2020 @ 8:34 pm
Amazing post, Melody. I had to open the needle picture, but what struck me most was the notion of layering pain. You beautifully write about your experience and when it comes to high heels, let’s just go with ‘indecorous’ if you’re looking for an alternative to masochistic. xox
January 8, 2020 @ 8:13 am
Thank you, Francesca. I like that WP plugin to collapse pictures. Needles is something a few readers are squeamish about and it gives them the choice to view or not.
Layering is about the best description I can find. She desensitises with one implement, raising the pain threshold and then moves onto the next implement to do the same. By layering ever more intense implements my pain threshold by the end is something I would never have believed a few years ago and starts to feel that there is no limit to accepting fresh layers. This process can go on for a couple of hours. There are two things behind this technique. First, the non-masochist me can’t take pain cold. Second, an early mishap when hard strokes were applied too early.
January 5, 2020 @ 8:14 pm
I was really engulfed in your writing, then opened the picture and omg, that needle picture is amazing!
The way you describe pain, or what you need is to take it for her is something I really relate to. My body responds with sexual arousal in response to pain but I’m not really aware of this arousal unless I check that I’m wet. But what has always been a need of mine is to serve in a way in which I suffer pain for her.
Really interesting post to read!
January 5, 2020 @ 10:32 pm
I’m glad you found it relatable. I think that the need to suffer for a specific person is what overrides, even negates my natural pain responses. Of course, ‘suffering’ doesn’t actually have to be about pain – which is probably one reason why I spent so long in the chastity lifestyle 🌹🌹
January 6, 2020 @ 7:11 am
You’re right suffering does not have to be pain. I guess that means we’re very versatile in what we would do for a Mistress
January 5, 2020 @ 7:46 pm
Wow, I’ve seen the needles before. Really interesting reading your thoughts and how it works for you.
January 5, 2020 @ 10:24 pm
Thank you 🌹
January 5, 2020 @ 7:10 pm
I will do ❤❤
January 5, 2020 @ 4:58 pm
Great post Melody, thanks for sharing with Tell Me About 😁
January 5, 2020 @ 5:18 pm
Thank you, Sweet. Bit of a relief to post it as I couldn’t get the one for Mindset to work 🌹🌹
January 5, 2020 @ 5:20 pm
Xx I haven’t even started mine yet. I’m struggling a little bit to write coherently on the meds but I only have a few days left and then god only knows how I will cope!
January 5, 2020 @ 5:31 pm
Take care of yourself first and foremost 🌹
January 8, 2020 @ 8:09 pm
Sorry to hear it didn’t work. If that happens again then please message me and I will look into it. I can add the piece even after the party has ended 🙂
January 9, 2020 @ 7:33 am
Thank you, missy. It’s part of the challenge to meet the link deadline. I’d rather not post than put something out for the sake of it. Besides, there’s usually something usable left in the drafts folder for another day 🌹
January 9, 2020 @ 7:47 am
Ok. Feel free to let me know if you post after though as its more about creating a resource for others than being a competition 😊
January 9, 2020 @ 7:47 am