2018 – Perhaps Better Than I Thought

I wasn’t going to go all retrospective about 2018 until I thought that in some ways it’s been quite momentous and that I need to acknowledge and celebrate that.

Two things go hand in hand throughout the year.  Firstly, the introduction to blogging and the more intensely personal element of melody’s independence.  They started at the same time.

After two years of hypnosis, the last days of 2017 provided the first ever brainwashing session it triggered what’s come to be known as a ‘melody moment’.  An intense upwelling of emotion that’s exclusively owned by melody that causes her to take charge.  This exactly coincided with BibulousOne suggesting that I write some guest posts for his blog.  Poor chap had no idea that the rational person he’d talked to earlier was now somewhat demented on the emotional release it was experiencing.  It was melody’s first time 100% in charge of the amalgamated me, she wasn’t letting go easily and it’s the only time she’s gone beserkly obsessive about pronouns.  Still, we got through it and long before the final guest post was written I was exploring WordPress and what to do for my own blog.  There’s a big thank you to BibulousOne for unexpectedly setting me on the path to blogging.

What did I want to write about ?  The question of what’s interesting about me is similar to the one asked by most subs, what worth do I have ?

My guest launch in to posting was associated with the sex blogging community and the one obvious problem of content to be of interest to readers is the lack of sex.  I am strongly asexual, I’m not interested in physical sex and have nothing to write about on that score.  Instead, I found myself with something fairly unique I could write on, my journey in D/s with the twist of hypnosis.  Throw in some personal history and a few quirks and that’s what my blog has been about.  No one is more surprised than me that there is an audience for it.

It’s a diverse audience and I love interacting with you, whether with your comments on the blog, or generally on Twitter or more deeply in DM.  Thank you.

A highlight from the year had to be the twitter exchange generated by this picture.  It left me blushing and glowing at the same time – and yes, a little tearful.

But what of melody ?  Some of her progress and awakening has been documented in the blog.  She’s no longer dangerous if a brainwashing session triggers a ‘melody moment’.  She can now ride and explore the emotions rather than ravenously feed on them.

What’s happened to her is that she’s got used to being visibly in charge.  I know when she is, and some others can detect it, too.  She’s exerting an air of confidence I would consider breath taking.  Over the year, my daily dress has become overtly feminine or at least androgynous.  She’s happy to face down anyone who objects – a year ago I would have run down a hole and pulled it in on top of me before displaying such brashness.

A couple of months ago melody conceived the idea that wearing heels in the house with carpeted uniformity of surface was one thing, but she needed to experience heels in the randomness of the outside world.  Stilettos and courts were out of the question, so she bought some ankle boots with block/stacked heels and with barely a moment’s hesitation wore them to work.  Heeled boots are now daily wear and she’s gone a bit overboard on acquiring different styles.

Another new aspect is that melody has recently acquired a ‘vanilla’ email address.  She identifies on various shopping sites as ‘Ms’ and that image was a little incongruous if an exchange used ‘sissymaidmelody’ for email.  It’s part of the evolving confidence behind the image.

There’s a lot I could say about my domme and her contribution to this, but it’s complicated to explain.  Her influence is not about defining melody, but about providing the fabric on which melody creates her own tapestry.  For example, the confidence comes from the hypnosis, yet what use it is put to has to come from melody herself.

Where she does use the hypnotic influence more directly is in deepening my need for submission.  A large part of the brainwashing sessions are dedicated to this.  It’s kind of inadvertent that they also kicked off melody’s independence, a happy bonus as we both learn the effects of such a deep process.  I’ve spent the best part of 3 years shutting off the emotional pathways that this process can lead to in the fear that I couldn’t handle them and would destroy what I already had.  In the last few months she has broken through my locked gates and exposed those pathways.  I find that I might need to be watchful, but no longer fearful of my ability to process the emotions in play.  2019 promises to be an intense exploration of the emotions of submission.  The stronger melody is, the more intense the emotions.

I’ve had some glorious times in the dungeon, especially as I’ve learned to expand my senses to understand what’s around me, particularly the music.

At the same time the CP has become ever more an extension of the hypnosis.  It’s increasingly impossible to separate them as distinct aspects of my relationship with the domme, they are one and the same thing.

There’s one thing I really do need to thank my domme for, it is her hands-off approach to this blog.  It’s a similar approach to allowing melody to define herself.  It’s beyond doubt that at the beginning she could have stopped the blog or defined what it was about.  When I started, I wasn’t sure if I was fearful that she would read it or fearful that she wouldn’t.

The style of the blog is now set.  I don’t get personal and I don’t name her, though it’s easy enough to work out who she is and I know a few have done so.  She dips in and out of it as and when she may have time and I’m now totally relaxed about that.

I can’t do a review of 2018 without mentioning sploshing.  I broke my sploshing virginity in March and had so much fun doing it.  There was a further sploshing in July from which this picture was taken

It has been more fun than I had any right to expect.  For anyone wondering about doing it for themselves, go for it.

The last part of the year saw me sharing my blog space with SwirlingFire.  The reasons are complex and she’s welcome to stay until she needs to move on.  In case there are any skeptics, I don’t write her words, nor influence her content beyond what is necessary in an editorial role.

I’m sure that there are readers who come here only for her content and avoid my content and vice versa.  Each to their own and all welcome.

When I consider 2018 in light of all the above, it’s been quite fabulous and it’s useful to set it against the dull, or even dark, impression of 2018 that vanilla life provides.

That vanilla life is liable to plod on the same in 2019, which is fine since it pays for the other stuff.  In 2019 melody is still going to be addicted to hosiery and heels.  Her wardrobe will continue to expand.

And as for what’s going to happen to melody, who knows ?  It’s quite an adventure.  I have been given one tantalising glimpse of the future and I’ll leave it here.