My Lifestyle Rules

By | April 16, 2019
Reading Time: 3 minutes

I’ve spent some time considering this simple word and frankly, I must be a disappointment in this respect.

I first encountered online forums some 25 years ago and if you want obsessive rules, these are still the places to go.  Whether it was the high protocol rooms on IRC – ‘slave must kneel and ask permission to enter the room’.  Or, more modern chat rooms where the ever present keyboard warrior has a long list of rules for subs (and dom/mes) to abide by if they are to be considered ‘twoo players’ of a specific kink.

rulesPerhaps being initially exposed to the ridiculousness of fantasy rules left me struggling to consider the validity of arbitrary rules in real life D/s.  I’ve never responded well to rules for rules’ sake in any walk of life.  When a rule seems particularly silly, I want to know the justification for it.

That’s a real challenge for me as a sub when rules have been set by a domme, the sometimes capricious nature coupled with no intention of justifying beyond ‘because’, used to set me right on edge – mission accomplished, you might say.

It’s easy to play at rules, especially online.  My former mistress loved to play with micro-management.  A day could be fun, though become tedious and very tiring for both parties.  Play rules, play punishments.  Not actually lifestyle rules.

My first encounter with lifestyle rules was a chastity contract with the domme who would go on to become my owner.  Specific rules and conditions to abide by.  Actually, it was a trap she’d neatly set for me.  It gave her just about enough leverage to call on me to honour the contract rules in order to set me on the path to be a real life sub and not just an online dreamer.

From that experience I’m not a great fan of contracts and their rules.  It has to be a living, flexible, continual dialogue.  To be a fixed static document leaves me with visions of being in a court:

“Yes, your honour.  I broke clause 18.c and she didn’t give me a spanking with the slipper.  I want that spanking to be legally enforced.”

The style of relationship tends to govern what rules you can make work between you.  I’ve never been in a position to be subject to rigid domestic discipline rules.  It’s partly that I don’t think I could thrive in that level of suppressing freedom, it’s also that I tend to see an element of pettiness that I would soon resent.  Fortunately, those to whom I have been and am submissive to have been very good at deducing what makes me tick and thrive under their care.

I had to think about what D/s rules apply to me.  Of a necessity they are rules I can abide by and enforce for myself.  Rules that are mutually agreeable and flexible, even if rarely discussed.

Between the former mistress and the current domme the rules I find relevant, though still requiring effort to implement have condensed down over the years to be very minimalist:

  • Be what she needs/wants me to be

Know The Rules

Written for the prompt “Tell Me About … Rules #6”.  Click on the image to read informative posts from across the D/s spectrum.



11 thoughts on “My Lifestyle Rules

  1. Brigit Delaney

    I, too, struggle with arbitrary rules, but my Husband has given me a few and explained that they aren’t arbitrary, they are for His pleasure and they make Him happy. Enough said. but I agree that contracts and need to be manageable, followed by both, and built on an ongoing dialogue.

    1. melodyinsights Post author

      Thank you, Brigit.

      I’ve never had a ‘live in’ relationship with a domme. If I had, I think I’d have been very happy with rules applied as you describe, as part of that lifestyle dynamic.

      The rules that have to work for me must take into account contact that is spaced out.

      melody x

  2. MPB

    I so remember those chat rooms (strip and kneel type stuff). I agree your summary rule is just about all that is required.

    1. melodyinsights Post author

      Thank you, Julie. For me it stops the really big sin as it reminds me not to be an attention seeking jerk (not unless she wants me to be, of course) 😉

  3. missy

    It is so interesting to read about how rules apply for others and you have made some really interesting points here about changing relationships, environments and expectations. Thank you for sharing 🙂

    1. melodyinsights Post author

      There’s some rather interesting reads on this prompt. Different perspectives on what works for different dynamics.

      Thanks for commenting. melody xx

      1. missy

        Yes I really enjoy seeing the way that things work differently for different people and feel I learn a lot from that. 😊

  4. PiecesofJade

    Ultimately it’s about two people who have the same ideas about rules – you know yourself well enough to know you do not/would not thrive with someone who micromanages you; it sounds like you have found D to your s that doesn’t want to, and prefers someone with more autonomy. Finding that match is key! 🙂

    1. melodyinsights Post author

      I can recall as a newbie sub thinking it was all about rules. Gradually learning it’s the people and the dynamic that dictates how things work and not some fantasy has been my key.

      That simplistic rule is a bit tongue in cheek, but it covers everything in its flexibility. The biggest element to it that is the hardest to learn is to not go seeking attention when it’s not wanted.

      Many thanks for reading and commenting.

      melody xx

    1. melodyinsights Post author

      Thank you. It covers pretty much anything that could ever crop up.


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