A Personal Journey Through D/s Hypnosis – Part 7, To Surrender Is To Win

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I have an unexpected quiet day which gives me some leisure to put a few things in better and broader context.  The last brainwashing and hypnosis sessions have had effects that I’m still processing and learning.  On the back of a fresh foundation of submission, service and obedience driven deeper than ever in the brainwashing, the following hypnosis session did something new.

Fist-brick-wall-penguin-spatulaI can visualise certain parts of my mind where I’ve constructed walls for protection.  This long precedes my association with this domme and the exploration of hypnosis.  We all do it, we’ve been hurt, taken advantage of and many other things we’d prefer to protect ourselves from in future.

Embarking on hypnosis with someone I was yet to get to know was a major leap of faith.  Many walls were put in place.  It was a balancing act.  In wanting the hypnosis to work, so much has to be open and unobstructed yet trust is not an instantaneous thing.  It takes time and over that time I’ve learned I could dismantle some of those walls.

There was still a major one left and I never thought it would be in danger.

In a previous relationship I became the personal owned sub of a mistress.  All the vulnerable emotional hooks can be given free rein and you can jump in deep because that’s where you both want to go.

This time was different, to allow those emotions free rein can lead to disaster.  A D/s session in the dungeon can be very intimate.  Hypnosis with a domme drills so far in to the psyche that intimate is left way behind.  There are boundaries here I’d not had to deal with before and walling off emotional weakness was the easiest way to avoid inappropriately crossing them.

What frightened me for the longest time was that in letting loose the potential of the more vulnerable emotions that it would be an inevitable slippery slope to crossing boundaries and destroying everything.

But how can very deep submission be complete without those emotions coming in to play ?

As an example, I’ve known for a long time that she wants my tears.  Yet the whip or cane in a CP session is not going to produce them.  She hasn’t quite tested that to destruction, but it holds up so far.  The key to my tears has always been emotion.  And whilst I’ve always wanted to be in a position where tears might happen, I’ve not wanted to release that vulnerability.

I’d say that it’s only in the last few months that my lingering reservations that I could be intentionally hurt by all this have faded to the extent that I’m prepared to let go.  That doesn’t mean I can’t or won’t be hurt, only that it won’t be intentional and it’s worth the risk.  I know that change in perception has resulted in a big and unexpected shift after the recent hypnosis.

BrainwashAfter the brainwashing session I felt that the need to submit and serve her was much stronger.  That should not be a surprise, it is, after all, one of the primary purposes of those sessions to embed the fundamentals as deep and as strong as possible.

It’s the effects of the subsequent hypnosis session that’s taking time to analyse.  Every time I think I’m done, there’s more to see and understand.

The two primary effects are described in the previous two posts.  First there was the realisation that mental barriers were crumbling, if not already breached.  The effect I described was in feeling the incipient outbreak of infatuation.  Not the bunny boiler or stalking versions of it, but the kind that can distract your train of thought at the drop of a hat, can make you suddenly smile as you think of the other, can make a knot in the pit of the stomach.

The second thing I wrote about was the weird decision and subsequent calmness in wearing heeled boots to work.  I knew it had to be hypnosis related but couldn’t see where.

Now I see that both effects are linked and are much more than what they seem.

The linking clue is that since the last hypnosis I have at times felt quite emotional, especially the last day or so, even to feeling on the verge of tears for no particular reason.

It’s subtle compared to when I’ve been emotional before, but this is 100% melody.  I wrote at the beginning of the year that the reason I know melody is real is because of the way she embraces emotion.  She wasn’t very good at controlling it back then and it could overwhelm her and run away out of her control.

All forms of my domme’s hypnosis provide encouragement to melody and these two effects are actually a single manifestation of melody being encouraged to grab another handful of life and control as the primary persona.

I realised that the effect I started to think of as infatuation was just a small part of the emotional vulnerability that was spilling out of my crumbling walls.  It had a ready outlet to handle it in melody who is now better prepared to deal with it, embrace it, own it and revel in what it can bring.

I also got the heeled boots thing the wrong way around.  It wasn’t a compulsion to calmly do a particular activity without fear.  The hypnosis was about promoting melody, to give her confidence in who she is and what she can be.  The public wearing of heels with head calmly held high was how she interpreted her self-confidence.

Both these things are about melody being able to be the primary.  One in having the confidence and self-assurance to carry off some very melody type of things.  The other in that melody is above all capable of being a highly emotional person.

These all go hand in glove and spring from a single well.

Sometimes it feels that this is exactly what she’s doing.

I am frankly amazed at what I’ve seen in the last few weeks.  Lots of signs, big and small of the feminine melody taking control.  It’s pretty amazing being so calm and relaxed about this shift, the emotional side is also fairly calm and relaxed, even when I catch myself close to the point of random tears.

I have nearly a month before the next hypnosis sequence begins in earnest and I’m intrigued as to what happens before then.  Does this current effect embed and continue, or will it fade to background ?

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