Reading Time: 2 minutes
Silent Scream I’m sat cross legged on a squishy futon. As I brush fluff from my trousers The woman opposite mirrors me. Expertly examining my face and body language for “tells”. I smile inwardly whilst feeling that familiar catch in my throat and my chest tightening are about to betray my cool exterior. I’m usually […]
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Toxic Masculinity At times I’m told I’m too honest for my own good. In the workplace, mainly men led, I’m strong, capable and a ‘feisty little thing’. Although not always welcomed positively, my direction brings rapid results and successful conclusions. “Not bad for a girl. Well done !” Swirlingfire: A Posting History […]
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CONTENT WARNING TRIGGER WARNING Emotional Abuse Mentor When I first starting spending time with mindWizard I had no idea what my kinks were or how to articulate themes. I would get phases of him sending perfect bodied adults in typical B&W photos/gif. Not once did I knowingly consent to any other activity except OTK […]
Reading Time: 6 minutes
CONTENT WARNING TRIGGER WARNING Emotional Abuse Burn I’m feeling extremely fragile today. This morning a light bulb moment not only flashed, it also shattered. It all started reading a wonderful post via ‘ Floss does life ‘ about humiliation / degradation and how it plays out in scenes for both the Top and the Bottom. That […]
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200 Days No Contact I’m surprised that I’ve managed to get to a landmark number of zero contact with the mindWizard. It’s been really difficult to not turn to him regularly when I needed to talk about my mental health – ironically the issues he caused with his Narcissist ways. For those of you struggling […]
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CONTENT WARNING TRIGGER WARNING Sexual Assault Recovery Rape References – no details Mental Health Emotional Abuse A kindly DM from a follower recommending I read a blog post. I was cautious as I generally disregard bloggers that refuse point blank or rarely use CW on any of their posts. I read the piece after being […]
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I feel myself slipping back into old patterns. It’s very difficult to understand if you’ve improved yourself when so much time is spent alone. Devoid of meaningful personal contact and care of friends/lovers it’s very subjective isn’t it ? For example – I much preferred living in sweet sweet denial when I thought all men […]
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“…… **The dreaded drop that messes with your head. Fortunately, that level of drop doesn’t happen to me often. But I have also felt the massive high that only a satisfied sub who feels useful can feel. The feeling that I’ve satisfied and pleased someone….. “ My Submission – taken and stirred. Until a few years […]
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Some of us share so much about our private lives without the full knowledge of where and by whom this information is being collated. For what purpose ? Who will be able to find us and learn our true identities with a few keystrokes / computer keyboard wizardry ? We make choices based upon […]
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I’ve actually explored this topic before. My launch as SwirlingFire was literally a baptism by fire. I’d not learnt to use my voice. I’d become a passive mute when it mattered. When I started to speak it was a lava flow of frustration, hurt, anger, sadness, self realisation, unknown grief and too many memories […]
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Content Warning: Mild reference to mental abuse. I’ve had long spells of celibacy sporadically from my twenties right up until I met “the mind wizard”. I went on dates, with lovely men (or so I thought at the time) it was rare to meet someone that knew how to communicate with me. I let a […]
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I always thought the main reason for life was having dreams and goals, working hard and achieving great personal things in life. The destination. Many years later, older, I’m not so sure any wiser or mature, I find I’m growing in ways that feel so alien. As much as I dislike the phrase, this new […]
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Your grief is not tolerated here – #Blocked I was angry in the past when I was unable to articulate the flood of memories of my past and later life trauma returning. Unfortunately people were caught up inside my emotional tsunami. A SwirlWind or a SwirlStorm as it was later referenced Only a few […]
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Truth and Respect “…. You play with your prey before death – I go straight for the jugular…..” The most insightful way I learn about my self daily is from conversations with trusted confidantes. These people are an extremely rare commodity in my life. I never trust easily, with good reason. I don’t offer my […]
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Coffee and WiFi I’m sat in the little coffee place I’ve walked passed a thousand times. It’s the only place open locally to sit and write with WiFi. It’s full of men having very late breakfast style plates of food. It’s bustling and very popular with the non coffee house type set one normally sees […]
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Kintsugi – Beautifully Flawed I’m not entirely certain why I’ve been in two minds to release the most current (as yet unavailable) blog post. The hardest part is not in the writing but the “setting free” – not the words/grammar/subject matter. It’s the knowledge that my thoughts are committed to writing. I was posed […]
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Whilst trying to reconcile my past traumas (until very recently repressed) and also with my current state of learning how I’d been treated badly by a d-type, I started thinking about the chronology of my life. Memories comes thick and fast. A minimum of a shudder – and sometimes, a full body blow impact. Time […]
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CONTENT WARNING Gaslighting Mental Abuse I was walking home from work tonight, a usual occurrence. A few recent chats had been swirling around my head Firstly …… are submissives a certain type of character in general terms ? or are S types very open about who they are and life traumas experienced ? […]
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Day 93 – No Contact I’ve felt weak many times but resisted the strong pull to message. It wasn’t easy but I’ve stayed strong. This is the longest time period I’ve ever known without any form of contact from him. I woke up this morning feeling pretty good but drained. My block […]