Category Archives: Swirlingfire

SwirlingFire: Reflections Part 2 – Exposed

Reading Time: 4 minutes Reflections Part 2 – Exposed Married lovers ? Non Consensual non monogamous relationships Poly with  multiple partners that other partners  don’t know you’re Involved with but really should? Untreated STI Lying about sexual health Hiding our real sexual orientation or who we really feel we are (apologies don’t know correct term/phrase) Non disclosure of marital status long distance… Read More »

SwirlingFire: Glowing Embers

Reading Time: 4 minutes CONTENT WARNING Mild references to Gaslighting Mild references to Sexual Assault “….. How will you re-engage with counselling ?   You have a shit load to say now !  …..”

SwirlingFire: Reflection

Reading Time: 5 minutes   Reflection   When we, okay I, think of blogging, I always think of the romantic frothy persona created by Carrie Bradshaw – the lead character from ‘sex and the City’ all those years ago.  The truth is my life is nothing like hers apart from one (two if you count luxury footwear) major similarity. We both make… Read More »

SwirlingFire: Circle of Flames

Reading Time: 4 minutes   Circle of Flames   Something has been playing on my mind for quite some time. Boundaries. I realise I’ve never had many or as I’m beginning to accept – any. On early arrival onto Twitter somebody during the course of a DM conversation used the term ‘people pleaser’.  The descriptions certainly echoed many things I was doing… Read More »

SwirlingFire: Silent Scream

Reading Time: 2 minutes Silent Scream I’m sat cross legged on a squishy futon.  As I brush fluff from my trousers The woman opposite mirrors me.  Expertly examining my face and body language for “tells”. I smile inwardly whilst feeling that familiar catch in my throat and my chest tightening are about to betray my cool exterior. I’m usually very good at… Read More »

SwirlingFire: Toxic Masculinity

Reading Time: < 1 minute   Toxic Masculinity At times I’m told I’m too honest for my own good. In the workplace, mainly men led, I’m strong, capable and a ‘feisty little thing’. Although not always welcomed positively, my direction brings rapid results and successful conclusions. “Not bad for a girl. Well done !”     Swirlingfire: A Posting History @Swirlingfire, 30 March… Read More »

SwirlingFire: Mentor

Reading Time: 4 minutes   CONTENT WARNING TRIGGER WARNING Emotional Abuse Mentor When I first starting spending time with mindWizard I had no idea what my kinks were or how to articulate themes.  I would get phases of him sending perfect bodied adults in typical B&W photos/gif. Not once did I knowingly consent to any other activity except OTK spanking.  In agreeing… Read More »

SwirlingFire: Burn

Reading Time: 6 minutes CONTENT WARNING TRIGGER WARNING Emotional Abuse Burn I’m feeling extremely fragile today. This morning a light bulb moment not only flashed, it also shattered. It all started reading a wonderful post via ‘ Floss does life ‘ about humiliation / degradation and how it plays out in scenes for both the Top and the Bottom.  That blog was nothing… Read More »

SwirlingFire: Pyrric Victory

Reading Time: < 1 minute 200 Days No Contact I’m surprised that I’ve managed to get to a landmark number of zero contact with the mindWizard. It’s been really difficult to not turn to him regularly when I needed to talk about my mental health – ironically the issues he caused with his Narcissist ways. For those of you struggling not to text… Read More »

SwirlingFire: Hey Swirly …. Read This !

Reading Time: 5 minutes CONTENT WARNING TRIGGER WARNING Sexual Assault Recovery Rape References – no details Mental Health Emotional Abuse A kindly DM from a follower recommending I read a blog post.  I was cautious as I generally disregard bloggers that refuse point blank or rarely use CW on any of their posts. I read the piece after being assured it was… Read More »

SwirlingFire: Vesuvius

Reading Time: 4 minutes I feel myself slipping back into old patterns.   It’s very difficult to understand if you’ve improved yourself when so much time is spent alone.  Devoid of meaningful personal contact and care of friends/lovers it’s very subjective isn’t it ? For example – I much preferred living in sweet sweet denial when I thought all men behaved a certain… Read More »

SwirlingFire: Good Girl

Reading Time: 5 minutes   “…… **The dreaded drop that messes with your head.  Fortunately, that level of drop doesn’t happen to me often.  But I have also felt the massive high that only a satisfied sub who feels useful can feel.  The feeling that I’ve satisfied and pleased someone….. “ My Submission – taken and stirred. Until a few years ago I never… Read More »

SwirlingFire: Overshare

Reading Time: 5 minutes   Some of us share so much about our private lives without the full knowledge of where and by whom this information is being collated.  For what purpose ?  Who will be able to find us and learn our true identities with a few keystrokes / computer keyboard wizardry ? We make choices based upon individual circumstances and… Read More »

SwirlingFire: Twitter Changed My Life …

Reading Time: 6 minutes   I’ve actually explored this topic before.  My launch as SwirlingFire was literally a baptism by fire. I’d not learnt to use my voice.  I’d become a passive mute when it mattered.  When I started to speak it was a lava flow of frustration, hurt, anger, sadness, self realisation, unknown grief and too many memories of trauma returning… Read More »

SwirlingFire: (Don’t) Come for Daddy

Reading Time: 3 minutes Content Warning: Mild reference to mental abuse. I’ve had long spells of celibacy sporadically from my twenties right up until I met “the mind wizard”. I went on dates, with lovely men (or so I thought at the time) it was rare to meet someone that knew how to communicate with me.  I let a few goods ones… Read More »

SwirlingFire: An Uncomfortable Path ….

Reading Time: 3 minutes I always thought the main reason for life was having dreams and goals, working hard and achieving great personal things in life.  The destination. Many years later, older, I’m not so sure any wiser or mature, I find I’m growing in ways that feel so alien. As much as I dislike the phrase, this new time in my… Read More »

SwirlingFire: #Blocked

Reading Time: 2 minutes   Your grief is not tolerated here – #Blocked I was angry in the past when I was unable to articulate the flood of memories of my past and later life trauma returning.  Unfortunately people were caught up inside my emotional tsunami.  A SwirlWind or a SwirlStorm as it was later referenced Only a few people had the… Read More »

SwirlingFire: Truth and Respect

Reading Time: 5 minutes Truth and Respect “…. You play with your prey before death – I go straight for the jugular…..” The most insightful way I learn about my self daily is from conversations with trusted confidantes.  These people are an extremely rare commodity in my life.  I never trust easily, with good reason.  I don’t offer my friendship unless I’m… Read More »

SwirlingFire: Coffee and WiFi

Reading Time: 2 minutes Coffee and WiFi I’m sat in the little coffee place I’ve walked passed a thousand times.  It’s the only place open locally to sit and write with WiFi.  It’s full of men having very late breakfast style plates of food.  It’s bustling and very popular with the non coffee house type set one normally sees on a regular… Read More »