Random Acceptance

For about 8 months I’ve been waiting for a certain conversation.  Originally dreading the thought of it.  Since Christmas it’s been more of a curiosity in the back of my mind as to what it would feel like.

SwirlingFire: Mentor

  CONTENT WARNING TRIGGER WARNING Emotional Abuse Mentor When I first starting spending time with mindWizard I had no idea what my kinks were or how to articulate themes.  I would get phases of him sending perfect bodied adults in typical B&W photos/gif. Not once did I knowingly consent to any other activity except OTK spanking.  In agreeing… Read More »

SwirlingFire: Burn

CONTENT WARNING TRIGGER WARNING Emotional Abuse Burn I’m feeling extremely fragile today. This morning a light bulb moment not only flashed, it also shattered. It all started reading a wonderful post via ‘ Floss does life ‘ about humiliation / degradation and how it plays out in scenes for both the Top and the Bottom.  That blog was nothing… Read More »

SwirlingFire: Pyrric Victory

200 Days No Contact I’m surprised that I’ve managed to get to a landmark number of zero contact with the mindWizard. It’s been really difficult to not turn to him regularly when I needed to talk about my mental health – ironically the issues he caused with his Narcissist ways. For those of you struggling not to text… Read More »

SwirlingFire: Hey Swirly …. Read This !

CONTENT WARNING TRIGGER WARNING Sexual Assault Recovery Rape References – no details Mental Health Emotional Abuse A kindly DM from a follower recommending I read a blog post.  I was cautious as I generally disregard bloggers that refuse point blank or rarely use CW on any of their posts. I read the piece after being assured it was… Read More »

melody The Socialite

Whether it’s D/s or manifestations of gender dysphoria it’s safe to say that I’ve been tightly locked in the closet for most of my life.  When the important parts of my life were career and social/family it was terrifying to consider putting any of that in jeopardy to cater for some nagging black thoughts in the very back… Read More »

Parallel Lives

What we perceive to be parallel lines, aren’t.  My technical brain can envisage two things side-by-side going on forever.  The science of perspective tells me I can never actually see this.  The vanishing point in a picture is something to cause wonder.  The works of Vermeer are a wonderful example of putting the parallel in perspective. For myself,… Read More »

SwirlingFire: Vesuvius

I feel myself slipping back into old patterns.   It’s very difficult to understand if you’ve improved yourself when so much time is spent alone.  Devoid of meaningful personal contact and care of friends/lovers it’s very subjective isn’t it ? For example – I much preferred living in sweet sweet denial when I thought all men behaved a certain… Read More »

Assignment Failure

I looked at this week’s prompt for #WickedWednesday of “fear” and thought it would be a good topic. After 4 or 5 abortive attempts I find that I can’t write on it. I’ve failed in the original intent, but I think the abrupt change in direction leaves what’s left as more valid than what I first had on… Read More »

One Year On

This is a rather unexpected millmilestone – this blog is one year old. When first committing metaphorical pen to paper it’s easy to believe that you must craft a masterpiece every time.  That way lies madness and one soon learns that you’d never publish anything under that regime. There are three things that really stand out from one… Read More »

SwirlingFire: Good Girl

  “…… **The dreaded drop that messes with your head.  Fortunately, that level of drop doesn’t happen to me often.  But I have also felt the massive high that only a satisfied sub who feels useful can feel.  The feeling that I’ve satisfied and pleased someone….. “ My Submission – taken and stirred. Until a few years ago I never… Read More »

SwirlingFire: Overshare

  Some of us share so much about our private lives without the full knowledge of where and by whom this information is being collated.  For what purpose ?  Who will be able to find us and learn our true identities with a few keystrokes / computer keyboard wizardry ? We make choices based upon individual circumstances and… Read More »

SwirlingFire: Twitter Changed My Life …

  I’ve actually explored this topic before.  My launch as SwirlingFire was literally a baptism by fire. I’d not learnt to use my voice.  I’d become a passive mute when it mattered.  When I started to speak it was a lava flow of frustration, hurt, anger, sadness, self realisation, unknown grief and too many memories of trauma returning… Read More »