Reading Time: 2 minutes Consent Stomach churning Tightening against acid burns Bile rises more often now Crippling pain that wakes me from sleep Hot sweats cold shivers Nausea Vomiting How delightful Complicated from Physical damage Lies balancing on top of more lies An upturned pyramid Angled steps heading nowhere An Escher print of a complicated architectural testament of how expertly the crafted… Read More »
Reading Time: 4 minutes The Concierge I miss the man he pretended to be I fell for a mirage The essence his spells hypnotised me The mindWizard training Ensorcell A new milestone I never expected You’re never alone When cruelly rejected Humiliation is minor The lasting effects You feel all the guilt As your mind is swept clean Boundaries erased Sleight of… Read More »
Reading Time: 4 minutes The Camera Never Lies I wish I were able to take photos like many of the talented stills I see regularly on social media. Whether still life, animals, botanical or body parts from any angle. It started my mind twirling. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, there can be one simple frame from a session that… Read More »
Reading Time: 2 minutes Mental Media Scrolling and eye rolls Click and zoom No one’s alone When your phones in the room Laughing and joking Banter runs rife Nobody knows When you cyber fuck someone’s wife Writing deep prose Spilling ones guts The Majority laugh They still think you’re nuts Buying lace knickers For the one you adore It’s all consensual An… Read More »
Reading Time: 6 minutes Kink and Fetish I am such a freaky chick. I get turned on by really odd things. I hadn’t realised until quite recently what turns me on to someone can also turn me completely off too. 1. Word Play – That’s one of my “things” – word play as flirting, challenging my mind with words I thought… Read More »
Reading Time: 3 minutes Betrayed I saw the idea to write daily via a semi pro writer/tweeter. It was to write 365 words everyday. I bent the directive to help maintain focus. I call it my #365Words. As I attempted the first few days, I found I had started to write prose, sometimes loosely rhyming, yet not a specific rhyming couplets style. … Read More »
Reading Time: 3 minutes One Year Blog Anniversary Month The Universe seems to be using my vulnerability against me. I’ll blame it on The Harvest Moon. A full moon. People extolling their own frustrations and dumping them on me. Others with noticeable mental health issues that are deliberately inflicting their brand of bad attitude I’m not certain if I’m an “Empath /… Read More »
Reading Time: 4 minutes The Assessment & Swirling Twirls I need more therapy. There. I said it. Cue eye rolling and yawns for those that think I should’ve been locked up in a facility with my mouth taped shut a long time ago. It’s easier to know one needs counselling than to actively search for someone qualified without agenda to talk to about… Read More »
Reading Time: 2 minutes Nightmares and Dreams Ahhh the innocent days of making a wish on the Blue Moon, so many years ago, a once in a lifetime opportunity. Taking an enormous gamble. The risk of a lifetime. Facts, truth and information unknown. A seductive mystery A distinguished mastery A deception Moon madness That one wish that broke me Irrevocably My dreams… Read More »
Reading Time: 3 minutes I hoped I’d feel so much better to have a goal and exceed it. I don’t feel its much of an achievement. I hurt as much today as I did 365 days ago. The only difference? 99% of it was not about me 1% – Me, believing the lies. I was brainwashed by an expert that practices d/s.… Read More »
Reading Time: 2 minutes The Core One step forward Feeling brave Finding A voice They think she’s a fool Learning starting The knave raising defences boundaries to make People around her Notice sigh “Fake” Eye rolls The mocking Waiting for signs Told you She’ll turn Static and flywheel No middle gears Hurting lonely No one around The heart breaking So quiet Barely… Read More »
Reading Time: 4 minutes The “Why?” Of blogging I’m forever trying to figure out what I’ve done in this life to attract abusive, malevolent, intrusive, selfish, violent – verbal, physical and bullying – behaviour from two faced judgemental “perfect” people. It still continues, without direct contact – unprovoked. There will be more exploratory blogs of processing that will be written before I… Read More »
Reading Time: 3 minutes Rituals and Memories It’s the way I tell ’em – Frank Carson, Comedian I like my life to be structured, ordered and in manageable sized tasks. It’s the best way I can handle all facets of external Influences without becoming overwhelmed and not losing my cool. My daily rituals are tweaked, trialled, tested and usually fail. I’m still… Read More »
Reading Time: 4 minutes You’re Worthless So I Subtweet I won’t ever ask you questions I won’t communicate Or share My thoughts With you, I’m too cowardly. I tell My friends about you. I make incorrect assumptions about you and your words, to mock you and your pathetic life. I know nothing about you I never read your blogs. I pull your words… Read More »
Reading Time: 4 minutes The Hero Is The Villain My mind is awash with swirling thoughts crashing into each other and not having anywhere to safely stow them whilst I’m processing the dozen other thoughts that were already crashing together inside my head. Sensory overload is a documented state. Only once my thoughts have calmed down to a gentler slower movement am I… Read More »
Reading Time: 5 minutes Colour Me Stupid The #F4TFriday prompt #111 asks for words to live by: “Not my circus, Not my (flying) Monkeys” For the most part, I don’t have many happy memories as they occurred either side of something unpleasant imprinted in my mind. Sadly the good parts were blocked along with any unpleasantness. There are now some better… Read More »
Reading Time: 6 minutes Content Advisory General references to rape and rape-play. NO details or descriptions. Light in the Dark Do you acknowledge CNC/RAPE fantasy and DV/RAPE to be totally different ? CNC is seen as a “taboo” kink – mainly by those of us who don’t understand what it involves. Far from any awkward ways of describing what is or… Read More »
Reading Time: 5 minutes SwirlingFire: Overshare (#sb4mh repost) I’ve chosen blog post #24 to submit to this weeks #sb4mh “Select a blog BEFORE you found #sb4mh”, This particular post (Jan 2019) was, on reflection, a very difficult and lonely time for me. 2018 had thrown some cleverly devious manipulation into the mix whilst I was deeply into pre trauma counselling. Someone I… Read More »
Reading Time: 4 minutes Mirage I’ve reached an unthought of number of 50 blogs posted and hosted with @sissymaidmelody (Swirlingfire: Posts). I’m still in my infancy of blogging. I like the mental process behind writing. It allows me to harness my thoughts in order to understand my life and to process the ebb and flow of past events. My blogs are all… Read More »
Reading Time: 4 minutes Swirly’s Grand Day Out Born October 2016, a caged bird – released, broken, dull feathers, betraying a breath that was almost extinguished. Parallel similarities to the mythical Phoenix. From flames comes death (you google it) to a pile of Ashes. The time between fully destroyed and dormant, until tiny glowing embers caught on the wind, enough to repeat… Read More »