I feel myself slipping back into old patterns. It’s very difficult to understand if you’ve improved yourself when so much time is spent alone. Devoid of meaningful personal contact and care of friends/lovers it’s very subjective isn’t it ? For example – I much preferred living in sweet sweet denial when I thought all men behaved a certain… Read More »
“…… **The dreaded drop that messes with your head. Fortunately, that level of drop doesn’t happen to me often. But I have also felt the massive high that only a satisfied sub who feels useful can feel. The feeling that I’ve satisfied and pleased someone….. “ My Submission – taken and stirred. Until a few years ago I never… Read More »
Some of us share so much about our private lives without the full knowledge of where and by whom this information is being collated. For what purpose ? Who will be able to find us and learn our true identities with a few keystrokes / computer keyboard wizardry ? We make choices based upon individual circumstances and… Read More »
I’ve actually explored this topic before. My launch as SwirlingFire was literally a baptism by fire. I’d not learnt to use my voice. I’d become a passive mute when it mattered. When I started to speak it was a lava flow of frustration, hurt, anger, sadness, self realisation, unknown grief and too many memories of trauma returning… Read More »
Content Warning: Mild reference to mental abuse. I’ve had long spells of celibacy sporadically from my twenties right up until I met “the mind wizard”. I went on dates, with lovely men (or so I thought at the time) it was rare to meet someone that knew how to communicate with me. I let a few goods ones… Read More »
I always thought the main reason for life was having dreams and goals, working hard and achieving great personal things in life. The destination. Many years later, older, I’m not so sure any wiser or mature, I find I’m growing in ways that feel so alien. As much as I dislike the phrase, this new time in my… Read More »
Your grief is not tolerated here – #Blocked I was angry in the past when I was unable to articulate the flood of memories of my past and later life trauma returning. Unfortunately people were caught up inside my emotional tsunami. A SwirlWind or a SwirlStorm as it was later referenced Only a few people had the… Read More »
Truth and Respect “…. You play with your prey before death – I go straight for the jugular…..” The most insightful way I learn about my self daily is from conversations with trusted confidantes. These people are an extremely rare commodity in my life. I never trust easily, with good reason. I don’t offer my friendship unless I’m… Read More »
Coffee and WiFi I’m sat in the little coffee place I’ve walked passed a thousand times. It’s the only place open locally to sit and write with WiFi. It’s full of men having very late breakfast style plates of food. It’s bustling and very popular with the non coffee house type set one normally sees on a regular… Read More »
Kintsugi – Beautifully Flawed I’m not entirely certain why I’ve been in two minds to release the most current (as yet unavailable) blog post. The hardest part is not in the writing but the “setting free” – not the words/grammar/subject matter. It’s the knowledge that my thoughts are committed to writing. I was posed this question: “… Read More »
Whilst trying to reconcile my past traumas (until very recently repressed) and also with my current state of learning how I’d been treated badly by a d-type, I started thinking about the chronology of my life. Memories comes thick and fast. A minimum of a shudder – and sometimes, a full body blow impact. Time has made me… Read More »
CONTENT WARNING Gaslighting Mental Abuse I was walking home from work tonight, a usual occurrence. A few recent chats had been swirling around my head Firstly …… are submissives a certain type of character in general terms ? or are S types very open about who they are and life traumas experienced ? or are S… Read More »
Day 93 – No Contact I’ve felt weak many times but resisted the strong pull to message. It wasn’t easy but I’ve stayed strong. This is the longest time period I’ve ever known without any form of contact from him. I woke up this morning feeling pretty good but drained. My block booking work shift… Read More »
My earliest learnt form of “Self Defence” was displayed as “Verbal Attack” It’s taking time to release old patterns. Please have patience with me until a new and better service is available & powered by fresh beginnings This post started as a tweet. My attention had been drawn to a tweet of mine on a… Read More »
It struck me as an unusual prompt. However, in usual Swirly fashion thoughts came thick and fast and locked my phone keyboard at the speed I was trying to write all my firing synaptic connections and word catalytic converters into more blog post ideas. Unfortunately the ideas hit me right in the midst of an… Read More »
Voice Control Swirlingfire: A history @Swirlingfire, 7 November 2018
Editor’s Note: I’ve been hosting posts from SwirlingFire for about 6 weeks now and not since that first introduction have I added words around what she’s written. When I saw the draft of this post I knew I would have to add something. Reading it brought out all sorts of emotions in me that I rather assumed I… Read More »
If you’ve passed by here in the last month or so you’ll have noticed that there’s another voice sharing my blog space. I must admit that the momentum leading up to offering to publish someone else’s thoughts took me by surprise.
Friendships Do friendships have a season ? I’ve been reflecting upon the last twelve months. October 2017 was not a good one. Disappointments, several cancellations of birthday plans and consequent loss of work and income, lies and deceit. Realisations of deep rooted memories returning and #Motherships diagnosis of cognitive impairment. I was totally overwhelmed without anyone to confide… Read More »