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Gender dysphoria is often accompanied by body dysmorphia. For some it’s debilitating. Fortunately, I only have a light version of it. I was doing well last year with weight loss until I got seriously ill and ended up putting half of it back on. I’m finding it depressingly hard to shift. Looking at myself can […]
Reading Time: 4 minutes
CONTENT WARNING Mild references to Gaslighting Mild references to Sexual Assault “….. How will you re-engage with counselling ? You have a shit load to say now ! …..”
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I don’t watch or browse porn. I certainly used to. If I had to put my finger on it, the (never intense) interest in porn waned as the chastity lifestyle took hold and other parts of my makeup that I now recognise had a chance to incubate and then germinate. If someone pointed me at […]
Reading Time: 5 minutes
Reflection When we, okay I, think of blogging, I always think of the romantic frothy persona created by Carrie Bradshaw – the lead character from ‘sex and the City’ all those years ago. The truth is my life is nothing like hers apart from one (two if you count luxury footwear) major similarity. […]
Reading Time: 5 minutes
Content / Trigger Warning Sexual Harassment Rape Male victims This piece goes outside my usual themes. Over the years I’ve heard a lot in public and in confidence about the struggles and consequences of women with male behaviour ranging from the unthinking harassment of ‘banter’ to full on sexual, physical and mental aggression. My sympathy, […]
Reading Time: 3 minutes
I’ve spent some time considering this simple word and frankly, I must be a disappointment in this respect. I first encountered online forums some 25 years ago and if you want obsessive rules, these are still the places to go. Whether it was the high protocol rooms on IRC – ‘slave must kneel and ask […]
Reading Time: 4 minutes
Circle of Flames Something has been playing on my mind for quite some time. Boundaries. I realise I’ve never had many or as I’m beginning to accept – any. On early arrival onto Twitter somebody during the course of a DM conversation used the term ‘people pleaser’. The descriptions certainly echoed many things […]
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It’s a lovely, inclusive honourific to receive from a friend, but I’m really coming to loathe the term. Maybe that’s not quite right, I think what I loathe is the fakeness it generates in the broader world. At best it’s a badge to show off right-on credentials and moral superiority. At worst it’s cover for […]
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Generally I hate the thought of posting something self-indulgent. Then once in a while I think, what the hell, this is my blog. Over recent months melody has become primary enough to be out and about in public. Yesterday was a long trip to the dungeon, which means stops at service stations and being exposed […]
Reading Time: 3 minutes
“I can’t believe you did that !!” My first words in over an hour, though they had been silently going around my head as I left the artist to her work. “What ? You mean beating lumps out of your arse followed by needles ?” “Yeah, that” Impact play and needles are both major endorphin […]
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Silent Scream I’m sat cross legged on a squishy futon. As I brush fluff from my trousers The woman opposite mirrors me. Expertly examining my face and body language for “tells”. I smile inwardly whilst feeling that familiar catch in my throat and my chest tightening are about to betray my cool exterior. I’m usually […]
Reading Time: 6 minutes
Content Warning NSFW cartoon of FemDom castration (at the end) This post can be blamed on @PosyChurchgate. She commented on my Asexuality post and made the mistake of asking me to expand on castration fetish. It’s the sort of topic that elicits sniggers and winces and yet, surprisingly, it also garners more quiet interest than […]
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Hypnosis – You do it to yourself. The sub-conscious acts on the suggestions it wants to, those compatible with its desires and fantasies. The hypnotist can’t make you want incompatible things, but they can manipulate the intensity of your desire to facilitate their suggestions for things you knowingly and unknowingly want, lowering barriers to adoption […]
Reading Time: 2 minutes
I wasn’t going to acknowledge Mother’s Day, certainly not publicly, until I started seeing various tweets go by. It struck me just how difficult a day it can be for a lot of people. There’s an additional poignancy for me in that tomorrow would have been her birthday, too. It’s not that I’ve ignored this […]
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Toxic Masculinity At times I’m told I’m too honest for my own good. In the workplace, mainly men led, I’m strong, capable and a ‘feisty little thing’. Although not always welcomed positively, my direction brings rapid results and successful conclusions. “Not bad for a girl. Well done !” Swirlingfire: A Posting History […]
Reading Time: 3 minutes
Today’s #StoryIn12 word prompt had me thinking on some old thoughts. The word was Faith. The human psyche has a very definite religious need. Yes, modern western society tends to regard itself as increasingly secular with regard to the major religions, yet the same people decrying the ‘gullibility’ of the religiously inclined are often those […]
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For about 8 months I’ve been waiting for a certain conversation. Originally dreading the thought of it. Since Christmas it’s been more of a curiosity in the back of my mind as to what it would feel like.
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CONTENT WARNING TRIGGER WARNING Emotional Abuse Mentor When I first starting spending time with mindWizard I had no idea what my kinks were or how to articulate themes. I would get phases of him sending perfect bodied adults in typical B&W photos/gif. Not once did I knowingly consent to any other activity except OTK […]
Reading Time: 4 minutes
“Let the mind wander as it will.” That’s a phrase I’ve heard a lot. She uses it towards the end of an induction so that the separation between my conscious and sub-conscious is more distinct. It’s the instruction for the conscious to go mind it’s own business whilst she talks to the sub-conscious.
Reading Time: 6 minutes
CONTENT WARNING TRIGGER WARNING Emotional Abuse Burn I’m feeling extremely fragile today. This morning a light bulb moment not only flashed, it also shattered. It all started reading a wonderful post via ‘ Floss does life ‘ about humiliation / degradation and how it plays out in scenes for both the Top and the Bottom. That […]