Category Archives: Personal

At the Car Wash

Reading Time: 2 minutes It’s a familiar thing these days.  Pull up in the supermarket car park in the crisp early morning and there’s a gang there in overalls and green jackets. You’re going to have to run the gauntlet of the very un-British thing of being asked a direct question by a stranger.  It’s as bad as the bus or the… Read More »

Am I That Different ?

Reading Time: 2 minutes Chatting with someone the other evening, they hit me with this:- You have an intelligent eloquent style of writing that’s different to other cd/sissy / masochist/exploratory

Emotional Content

Reading Time: 4 minutes That’s part of a famous line uttered by Bruce Lee in Enter the Dragon. If there’s one thing that makes melody easier to identify in the swings and roundabouts of daily life it is in the expression of emotions. Emotion and me have had a rocky relationship over the years.  We kind of gave up on each other… Read More »

A Personal Journey Through D/s Hypnosis – Part 7, To Surrender Is To Win

Reading Time: 5 minutes I have an unexpected quiet day which gives me some leisure to put a few things in better and broader context.  The last brainwashing and hypnosis sessions have had effects that I’m still processing and learning.  On the back of a fresh foundation of submission, service and obedience driven deeper than ever in the brainwashing, the following hypnosis… Read More »

A Personal Journey Through D/s Hypnosis – Part 5, Crumbling Barriers

Reading Time: 5 minutes There’s a common wish fulfilment myth about hypnosis that at the swing of a watch or the snap of a finger that you can be instantly made into somebody or something new.  For someone who is struggling this seems to be a deceptively simple solution to all their problems.  Instead it can seriously add to the problems.

Losing One’s Roots

Reading Time: 3 minutes Where do you come from ?  Who are your people, your family ? How else do we find an anchor to place ourselves within the turbulent streams of time ? 

Changing Priorities

Reading Time: 2 minutes Sometimes I have a stream of consciousness that expresses itself over many months.  Things that fill the mind in the small hours of sleeplessness.  Quite amazing the personal thoughts that end up here as if this was actually a totally private space.

Educating Innocence

Reading Time: 4 minutes It’s now a lost part of London, back then it was a simple forgotten backwater.  I loved the area when I visited.  R had a pokey little flat on the south side of the river, just a bit down stream from Woolwhich.  The view from the lounge was surprisingly magnificent, looking over towards the City Airport with the… Read More »

The Last Illusion

Reading Time: 2 minutes Love – the last illusion of the illusionless man This quote is from the very end of Le Carre’s Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy.  First read in my teen years, I always considered it rather profound.  As the years have gone by I’m not so sure that I know what it means now.

Self Indulgent Post – II

Reading Time: 2 minutes Today is a poignant day. Five years ago today I got the 5 am phone call to say that my mother had died.  By itself that was not a surprise, the end had been inevitable for some time. 

Nodal Involvement

Reading Time: 2 minutes The other weekend was a trip to Glyndebourne with the former mistress.  As well as lots of good food, the Glyndebourne experience (the opera was hit and miss, but this post isn’t a review) and too much alcohol late in to the nights, it was also a time for deep conversation. I must admit that this is an… Read More »